You're My Head and You're My Heart
by snixty9
Summary: Santana didn't plan on any of this. None of them did. A story of how love can form even in the most unintentional situations and how it isn't so simple as they portray in the fairy-tales. Sometimes you fall for your best friend. Sometimes you fall for a stranger. Sometimes you fall for both. - Slight Brittana, but dedicated to OTP Quinntana. (Contains some smut hence the rating)
1. Santana & Brittany

A/N: Haven't written a fanfic since like middle school, so I'm a little rusty.

AU: Quinn isn't a cheerleader; she's a transfer & the new girl. Santana & Britanny are still best friends and cheerleaders (think back to season 1 versions of them).

* * *

Santana Lopez ran the halls of McKinely High School in Lima, Ohio. She was royalty and only a sophomore. Boys and girls alike, fawned over her and fell to her feet at her every whim and wish. Everyone knew better than to get in her way, or else they would only end up in embarrassment, pain and humiliation. She walked down the school halls, tan skin, tight body, with her perfect brunette pony swinging left and right, her arms hugging books, in her Cheerios uniform. Next to her, you could always find her best friend and sidekick by her side, giggling and laughing: Brittany S. Pierce, the blue-eyed, blonde bomb-shell that everyone only eyed as just that: a blonde.

They had been inseparable since fifth grade when Santana transferred from Lima-Heights Elementary School to Lincoln Elementary school. She had been the oddball and the outsider. No one wanted to be the poor girl's friend because everyone looked down upon her and she was different. But Brittany, with her innocence and purity (which would forever be her key characteristics), befriended Santana despite their differences.

Santana could clearly remember as if it was yesterday; Brittany approached her on the first day of school. Their teachers had assigned seats, but only with the ridiculous ice breaker to find your assigned table/seat by finding pieces that fit together. For example, Brittany's table had two clouds and was missing a rainbow. The tan girl seemed lost and shy. She was in the middle of the room, wide-eyed, desperate to find a friendly face to help her find her table.

"Hi!" Brittany said happily behind Santana.

Brittany didn't mean to, but she made Santana jump and she turned around timidly to face the blonde. "Hi," Santana replied softly.

"Do you have a rainbow?" Brittany asked innocently.

Santana looked down at the piece of paper in her hand that was cut into a shape of a rainbow and then looked up at Brittany hesitantly, "I think so?" she chirped back.

Brittany grabbed Santana's hands and both held the rainbow together and they smiled at each other. "You sit next to me," Brittany chimed, "I'm Brittany."

"I'm Santana."

And it was that moment that Santana would always have the safe warm feeling with Brittany. They were only ten at the time, but that moment sealed their bond as best friends. Santana trusted Brittany and protected her when needed. Santana glared and hissed at any boy that showed any interest in Brittany, but only because she knew what boys wanted out of Brittany. They wanted to take advantage of her innocence and purity. _They wanted to take it away_. Over Santana's dead body.

Santana knew what it was like to have her innocence ripped from right under her. She wasn't ready when it had happened. It was Noah Puckerman who had done it. He ripped her wings from her Freshman year. He didn't force himself on her, but he had pressured her into doing it. Santana kept telling him she wasn't ready, but he insisted that it would feel good. It didn't. It lasted eleven minutes. Santana remembered because she stared at her clock hanging on her wall as Puck had his way with her body.

Hell no, Santana wasn't going to let Brittany feel the same shame and pain. She was the only thing good in her life and the only person that was true to her. Santana couldn't explain why, but she just felt that Brittany was her other half. And no one would fuck up the only part of Santana that was good and pure.

* * *

"Shit," Santana groaned, "It's already eleven." Santana and Brittany had been doing homework at Brittany's house.

"Just spend the night," said Brittany with a smile on her face, "You never want to go home anyway."

This was true. Santana dreaded going home to the dysfunctional dining table with her drunken father and her insulting mother. "Okay," Santana replied with a half smile. "Can I borrow some jammies?"

Brittany walked over to her closet and threw Santana an oversized t-shirt. Brittany squirmed out of her tight Cheerios uniform.

Santana stared for a moment, studying Brittany's back and ass. Santana couldn't peel her eyes off of her best friend's red lace bra and panties.

"Can you unhook my bra, San?" Brittany asked innocently.

Santana blinked hard and swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat.

"San?" Brittany repeated.

Santana shook her head and snapped out of it, "Don't get your panties all up in a bunch," she snapped, "hold on." Santana got up from the floor and walked over to her nearly naked friend. She inhaled Brittany's smell. It was luring and heavenly at the same time. Brittany's skin seemed so smooth and kissable. Again she had to shake her head and snap out of it. Her hands slightly trembled as she reached over for Brittany's bra and unhooked it with ease.

"Thanks."

"No problem," Santana muttered. She walked to the other side of Brittany's room, suddenly feeling too nervous to be around her best friend. She too shed her Cheerios uniform off, exposing her tan, tight body in black boy shorts and a black lace bra.

"Want me to do you?"

"What?" Santana jerked her head to the right in a frenzy with bewildered, confused eyes and looked at Brittany with a cocked eyebrow.

"Do you want me to unhook your bra," Brittany finished with her brows lifted.

"Oh," Santana replied with a slightly embarrassed tone, "sure."

Brittany made her way to Santana and placed her hand on Santana's back. Santana mildly winced at the touch of Brittany's soft, warm, welcoming hands. What was only a second, felt so long to Santana.

"There ya go," Brittany said before leaving the room to go brush her teeth. She hadn't noticed her best friend's sudden nervous tendencies.

Santana heaved a deep sigh pulling the oversized shirt over her head and watching Brittany leave the room.

_"What the hell is wrong with me?!"_ Santana thought to herself, _"Stop being weird, Santana."_

Santana couldn't explain these sudden urges she had to spontaneously just kiss her best friend Brittany. It felt so wrong and weird, yet it felt natural and right all at the same time. It was driving her mad. Obviously her best friend was straight, and she was too... right?

_"I've been watching way too much of the L Word,"_ Santana scolded herself in her mind.

Brittany walked back into the room and Santana stiffened up again, _"Stop it,"_ she thought to herself.

"Ready for bed?" Brittany asked as she lifted off the covers and hopped into bed, holding up the covers for Santana to lay next to her.

_"Oh god,"_ Santana thought. She just nodded in silence, turned off the lights and laid next to Brittany. Brittany's body was so warm. Their smooth legs rubbed against each other as Brittany's restless legs kept fidgeting. And then Santana felt as if she was going to die and have a spontaneous combustion. Brittany put her arms over Santana's slim waist and held Santana's small hand, her nose nuzzled into Santana's neck. The hairs on the back of Santana's neck stood erect and she felt a cold sweat coming on. She could feel Brittany's soft angelic breathing down her neck.

"Good night," Brittany mumbled, already dozing off into sleep.

"Good night," Santana mumbled nervously.


	2. Mesmerized Eyes

It was 7AM and only the sole footsteps of one person echoed through the halls of McKinley High. Her high-waisted green skirt swayed with her hips and her tucked in white collared lace button up hugged her chest and waist as her fingers ran across the cold lockers of the hallways. She was pale, skinny, blonde, and curious. Her name was Quinn. She was the only one (besides the teachers prepping for first period) roaming the school halls... Or so she thought.

Lost in her thoughts and her senses adjusting the the atmosphere of the foreign school, the short-haired blonde clumsily bumped into someone by accident and shortly after felt a push from rough hands, "Hey watch where you're going!" an angry, slightly shorter tan girl scoffed at her.

The pale girl rolled her eyes as she observed the tanner girl quickly, suited up in a cheerleader uniform, white clean tennis shoes and the high neatly brushed ponytail. She knew girls like this from her last school. The so-called "Queen Bitch" of the school. She was one of them. "Please," the blonde retorted, "You're not even worth looking at, let alone watch out for."

The tan girl's mouth hung open in shock that anyone would even dare to talk to her this way. She cocked an eyebrow and pursed her lips in her Latina rage, "Oh, you must be new. I come from Lima Heights Adjacent, where they-"

"Do drive-by's every morning, jump people for shoes on the daily, have the highest crime rate in all of Ohio, and you'll probably pile on to that crime rate by trying to kill me with your bare hands, correct?" Quinn interrupted the brunette.

"No me jodas!" the Spanish rolled off the Latina's tongue naturally as her eyes bulged out and she instantly dived at the blonde pale girl.

Quinn simply moved to the side calmly and swiftly as the brunette slammed into the lockers instead of what she was aiming for. The blonde pinned the raging brunette's wrists to the lockers and held her own body firmly against the other girl's. It was rough, but... sensual at the same time. The brunette looked at her in shock, confusion, anger and what the blonde could have sworn was slight lust. "Look here," the blonde hissed, "I'm not looking for trouble," her green-hazel eyes were intensely staring deep into the brunette's dark brown eyes. Quinn felt the brunette's tension loosening up. Quinn decided to slowly let go of the girl's wrists and created a little space between them. She walked backwards suggestively, still holding this mesmerizing gaze between them. Quinn could sense something in this girl... A type of curiosity she's seen before... The type of curiosity Quinn knew all too well herself. She smirked, knowing she had some power over this so-called Queen B... "Don't fuck with me, and I won't fuck with you..." she said in a calm, soft voice. She turned on her heel and could feel girl's gaze burning the back of her head, "...unless you want me to." And with that Quinn walked away in her high-knee black leather boots, swaying her hips back and fourth, allowing her green skirt to travel with her, knowing that the brunette was still looking at her with that same confused, angered, shocked, but slightly lustful look.

* * *

"Santana."

Santana could hear a faint call of her name, attempt to interrupt her thoughts _"Who was that girl..._" she desperately thought to herself.

"Santana..." It was starting to get stronger.

_"Why the hell didn't I do anything about her smart remarks?!" _Santana's brow wrinkled deeper into her forehead with frustration and confusion all over again.

"SAN-TA-NA," the voice finally broke Santana's contemplation.

Santana blinked hard out of her reverie, "What?!" she sneered.

"What's wrong with you?" Brittany asked with deep concern. "First, I woke up with you missing. No note, no text or call. Now you're not even talking to me and lunch is almost over. You seem to be angry about something... Did I do something wrong?"

"What? No! Never. I mean, no," Santana was stumbling over her words. She didn't know if it was Brittany making her lips fumble or if the _other _blonde was still haunting her mind. Santana took a deep sigh, "There was some bitch this morning that just threw me off, that's all," Santana gave in to what she was holding in her head. Brittany was the only person who could ever really do that.

"What, who?" Brittany asked protectively.

"I don't know. I thinks she's some new girl. I haven't seen her since," Santana replied in annoyance.

"You know," Brittany added, "this wouldn't have happened if you just stayed in bed with me and could have started your day great because Lord Tubbington was sitting on my face this morning and it would've made you laugh your socks off."

Santana giggled with a screwy look on her face, trying to picture that ridiculous scene, "You always know what to say Britt."

"I didn't say that to just make you feel better. It actually happened." Brittany smiled, "Why did you leave so early anyway?"

Santana gulped with her all of a sudden dry throat, as she scrambled for a legitimate reason, "Um, I just wanted to go for a run. Don't be mad at me. Sorry I didn't text or anything."

Brittany laid her head on Santana's shoulder, "I could never be mad at you."

Santana's back tensed up, and all of her joints got weak. Those words and Brittany's head on her shoulder made her heart drop down to her stomach and thump in its place.

"Is this your girlfriend?" an all-too familiar voice came scratching at Santana's ear. Her heart pulsated even lower than her stomach. She looked across to the other lunch bench, and it was the short-haired pale girl straddling the lunch bench. Santana felt an unexpected throbbing warmth between her legs. There were those green-hazel eyes again.

_"Damn those eyes." _


	3. Chopped & Screwed

"Is this your girlfriend?" an all-too familiar voice came scratching at Santana's ear. Her heart pulsated even lower than her stomach. She looked across to the other lunch bench, and it was the short-haired pale girl straddling the lunch bench. Santana felt an unexpected throbbing warmth between her legs. There were those green-hazel eyes again.

_"Damn those eyes."_

* * *

Santana stared at her like a deer caught in headlights. She was baffled and enraged all at once, but for some reason felt a little relieved that the rude blonde came to find her.

"Well, no and yes," Brittany sweetly answered.

Quinn raised an eye brow in eager curiosity.

"I'm a girl that is her friend," Brittany finished cheerfully, "Actually, we're girls that are _best _friends," she corrected as she lifted her head from Santana's warm shoulder.

Santana glanced at Brittany and smiled at her adorable words. Although the word "friend" stung her a little. Quinn's giggle halted Santana's warm feeling of being enchanted by Brittany's charm. She quickly darted her eyes from the blue-eyed-blonde to the green-hazel-eyed-blonde and scrunched her forehead in anger and annoyance, "What's it to you, blondie," Santana crossed her arms and swerved her neck with attitude.

Quinn giggled once more and shook her head lightly. Quinn scanned Santana up and down as if she was reading her body language and translating it in her mind. She smirked as she came to the realization that this made the the brown-eyed-brunette uncomfortable. "I'm Quinn," she changed the subject quickly, knowing she had the upper hand. She reached out her hand as a peace offering from that morning and as a gesture to confuse the brunette even more.

Santana stared at the pale hand repulsively. She got up from her seat on the lunch bench and held her hand out for Brittany to grab, "Come Britt, let's go before the stench of loser rubs off on us."

Brittany shot a peculiar stare at her best friend and then fired a a mean look at the blonde sitting across from her, "Is this the bitch, Santana?" Brittany squinted at the girl. Since she was so kind, her threatening glares only ended up looking like confused gazes.

Quinn smiled at the blonde's pathetic attempt to stand up to her. Her green-hazel eyes then shifted to the angry Latina, "Santana?" she purred. "Isn't that supposed to mean 'Holy'?"

"Oh I'm Holy, alright," Santana snapped, waving her finger at Quinn, "I'm a freaking angel. I can personally send you to Heaven, if you wish to die, which I can make sure happens at this school," she sneered. At this point Brittany was standing next to her with her hand on Santana's shoulder, showing support. The touch of Brittany's fingers alone, gave Santana even more confidence and reminded her why she was the Queen B at McKinley High in the first place. "Comprende?"

"Ay dios mio," Quinn hummed, looking up at both girls bravely from her seat. She got up and walked cockily towards Santana. Quinn noticed that it made Santana jump a little and the gesture seemed to surprise her a little bit. Quinn dared to go closer and whispered in Santana's ear, "Remember..." she slyly brushed Santana's left wrist with her soft fingertips, that Santana didn't even see it coming. "Don't fuck with me, and I won't fuck with you," she paused as she could feel the heat rising from Santana's skin, and she bit her lip sensually before saying, "unless you want me to." Quinn's whisper was nearly as erotic as a moan. She smirked with her painted red lips noticing the hairs on the back of Santana's neck were standing erect.

The bell rang. Quinn swung her black leather backpack over her right shoulder and walked away with more confidence than Santana held when Brittany touched her shoulder.

Santana had goosebumps all over. Her heart was pumping harder than it ever did before. Her knees slightly quivered and the warmth beneath her cheerleading spanks in between her legs had returned. She didn't shake with fear... She shook with lust. _"Fuck, why did that turn me on," _Santana thought frustrated and baffled. She stared into space perplexed and dumbfounded, not even realizing the cafeteria was nearly empty.

"Santana," a voice was trying to break through, "San..." it echoed through Santana's ears, but it was faint, "SAN-TA-NA!" it yelled.

Santana rolled her eyes slowly as she was being pulled back into reality, "Yea?" she spoke softly since she was still taken-back by Quinn's boldness that caused these inexplicable palpitations in her chest and down below.

"What's wrong? What did she say to you?" Brittany asked in a concerned tone, "Are you okay?"

Santana looked at her best friend in the eye, and she was at a loss for words. It frustrated her that she couldn't explain these complex feelings she had been feeling recently, to the one person that always understood her the best. "Let's just go to class, Britt. I'm going to be late for History."

Brittany looked at Santana and she looked defeated. Wanting to make her friend feel better and happy again, she grabbed Santana's limp hand and smiled to her for reassurance and comfort, "Okay, San, I'll walk you to class."

Santana's heart spiked a higher beat, but slowed down a little at the same time. Her hand in Brittany's hand; it was heavenly. Her hand got clammy and she all of a sudden got nervous, "_Lopez, calm your tits, it's just Brittany. You've held hands before ugh,"_ Santana regrettably thought to herself, while trying to hide her excitement. She let her hand clasp over Brittany's delicate hand and allowed the blonde to lead her to class. Santana followed her like a little lamb, but was resentful towards herself and was lost in her thoughts, _"Stop feeling this way Lopez. You shouldn't be getting excited like this around girls," _she sighed a quiet frustrated sigh, _"This is nothing. I'm just going to burry it deep down to its grave, where it belongs. I don't feel this way about girls," _she stared at her best friend who was slightly in front of her, and then glanced down at their bonded hands, "_especially not about Brittany. I can't. It would ruin our friendship," _she scolded herself.

They came to a sudden halt right before the classroom door. Brittany turned around and put her shoulders on Santana's shoulders as if pumping her up for cheerleading Nationals, "Remember, San, you're my best friend, head Cheerio, and the _queen _of this school," Brittany pepped, looking deeply into Santana's eyes, "Don't let anyone tell you other wise," Brittany pushed her arms from Santana's shoulders into an embrace around Santana's neck and held her firmly close.

Santana returned the hug and placed her arms around Brittany's slim, hard body. It was a painful type of bliss. _"Stop it,"_Santana chastised herself in her mind. She pulled away from the embrace and gave Brittany a crooked smile, "Thanks Britt," she said quietly, "You're the best."

"I know. You only deserve the best," Brittany said simply with a half smile back that ripped Santana to pieces. Brittany waited until Santana disappeared into her classroom.

Santana walked into the room, zoning everyone out while heading to her seat near the window. Her head and her heart were so confused and torn. She hated and resented herself for feeling this forbidden ecstasy and holding these taboo thoughts. She placed her left elbow on top of her desk, rested her chin on her hand, and gazed outside the window as she was lost in a reverie and a battle within herself.

"Class," the teacher announced, "we have a new addition to the class from St Joseph Academy. Please, Ms. Fabray, introduce yourself."

A girl from the back of the classroom looked around at her peers and said coolly, "Hi I'm Quinn, and I'm an alcoholic."

The class broke into laughter, except for one person. Santana's pensiveness was broken as her ears perked up to the name and that soothing voice. She sat up straight in her seat and furrowed her brows as her eyes bolted to the back of the room. The short-haired blonde caught her glimpse and grinned at Santana. Quinn winked and fluttered her fingers to wave hello to her. Santana's eyes widened and turned around quickly, _"Fuck me."_


	4. Conversion

"Alright class, it's almost Thanksgiving holiday, so you all know what that means," the teacher announced. The class groaned in pain, "That's right, your group project on WWII will be due the day you come back from break," again the class replied with complaints. The teacher ignored them, "Ms. Lopez, since you were absent last class, I'm going to go ahead and partner you up with Ms. Fabray."

Santana gave her teacher a bewildered look, and said angrily, "No, no way am I going to be partnered up with that pristine private school saint, over there!"

"Santana, please show some respect to our new student!" the teacher snapped, "I will not tolerate rudeness in this class. You _will_ be partnered with Ms. Fabray, or you _will _receive a failing grade in this class and I believe Ms. Sue Sylvester does not allow her Cheerios to have F's."

"Unless it's your bra size!" Noah Puckerman piped up. The class burst into laughter.

Santana looked around the class with a burning look, and faced Puck with a scowl, "Look here ferret head," Santana sneered, "you're just about as funny as your dead beat dad being a Lima loser, and you following in his footsteps."

The class chanted, "Ooooo" to escalate the tension, drowning out the teacher's attempt to stop the confrontation.

"Oh, and that little mohawk of yours isn't long enough to make up for the size of your pequena penis," she scoffed with an evil smirk, then turned back to face the front of the class as her ponytail whipped in the air, just as fast as her insults.

"Ms. Lopez that is enough from you," the teacher scolded. "You too, Noah!" she snapped before Puck could open his mouth to try and redeem himself to the class. "One more outburst from either of you, and you are going straight to the principal's office." Silence filled the room. The teacher heaved a stressed sigh, "Okay, now meet up with your partners and start compiling ideas for your project. Start gathering information from your notes and textbook."

The classroom became noisy with shuffling feet, moving desks and students' voices. Santana looked to the back of the room and saw that there was an empty seat next to Quinn. Quinn smiled with a slightly raised eyebrow and mockingly patted the seat next to her, motioning Santana to join her. Santana rolled her eyes and headed to the back of the room, but not before shoving Puck harshly with her left shoulder and gave him glaring look, reminding him that she still owned his balls.

Santana sat next to Quinn silently, pulled out her phone and texted Brittanty.

_Ugh, I'm stuck with the Queef or whatever her name is for a project :(_

"Who are you sexting?" Quinn inquired.

Santana flushed red, half embarrassed and half enraged. She tried to play it off by rolling her eyes and putting in her earbuds to listen to music in an attempt to block out Quinn. To Santana's surprise, the blonde did not attempt to cross the barrier for the remainder of class. They sat next to each other for all of 35 minutes, not acknowledging each other's existence.

The bell rang and Santana gathered her backpack and books in silence. She was about to leave, but Quinn blocked her path. Before Santana could lash out any type of insult, Quinn hastily grabbed her hand and cramped a note in it and left without saying anything. With a dazed look on her face, Santana opened the note.

_Meet me at my place. 230 Ashby Way. I know you need to be on the Cheerios and I can't fail this class. So unless you want to fall of your high horse, be there after school. -xx Quinn_

* * *

Santana arrived at a typical white picket fenced house with a nice lawn and a neat paint job. She rung the doorbell and anticipated Quinn's mom or dad, so she prepared her fake nice personality. But to her dismay, Quinn opened the door, "Howdy partner," she smirked.

"Wipe that grin off your face and let's get this over with Furby," Santana snarled as she stormed into the house.

"Furby?" Quinn questioned, closing the door and turning around to face Santana.

"Yea, you know" Santana retorted, looking around and observing the living room, "The little ugly gremlin. Your eyes and eyelashes creep me out like theirs." she said matter-of-factly.

"Clever."

"Fancy place. Bet Daddy Fabray buys you everything you want," Santana quipped. Santana looked at Quinn and felt a flash of discomfort at the drop of the word, _Daddy_. She raised an eyebrow feeling slightly guilty for mentioning what seemed a sensitive subject to the other girl. "So where are your folks?" Santana changed the subject.

"Gone to some Christian convention in Columbus," Quinn shrugged.

"I knew you were part of the God squad," Santana jeered, "is this all part of your plan to convert me?"

"Sure," Quinn answered calmly, "but not into a Christian," Quinn winked with a devious smile.

Santana replied with a puzzled look on her face, "Are you a les-"

"-Let's go to my room," Quinn finished. She turned around, walked down the hall and Santana followed, still thinking about the blonde's suggestive comment.

They walked into Quinn's room that seemed to be newly painted a dark blue color. Pictures hung on her wall of herself as a child, her family and friends, along with a few posters of Muhammad Ali in black and white, Bob Marley and Marilyn Monroe. There were a few books and some old records on a shelf, with some more recent CDs. The room was lightly lit with the blinds only half open. Quinn sat at her desk where her laptop sat and motioned Santana an offer to sit on her bed, "You wanna sit?"

"I don't want to be here long."

"We're doing a _project, _not copying answers from each other," Quinn opened a drawer and pulled out a lighter along with a blunt.

"Is that a-"

"My magic wand," Quinn put it in between her red lips and lit it with a quick flick of her lighter, "It helps me concentrate," she shrugged and inhaled a long drag, held it in for a few seconds and exhaled through her nose. She held out her hand holding the blunt, offering it to Santana, "Wanna join?"

Santana stared at her, bug-eyed. She did not expect this from a Christian crusader, "I've never done it before," she admitted bashfully.

Quinn's eyes widened, "What? You're from Lima-Heights Adjacent and you have never smoked a little Mary Jane before?" Santana stayed silent, "Curious?" Quinn purred.

Santana twitched, still standing near the bedroom door with her arms crossed. She felt heat rise to her face. "This is a joke," Santana snarled defensively, trying to hide the fact that she was nervous, "I'm out of here."

Santana walked towards the door, but before she knew it, Quinn had gotten up and slammed the door shut. Her hand laid on the door and she leaned against it, standing dangerously close to Santana. She looked into Santana's eyes and that look of anger, confusion and a slight sexual hunger had settled in, with her mouth slightly open in shock. In Quinn's other hand, she held the blunt and inhaled a huge puff of smoke. Santana stood there stupefied. Quinn did not waste time to take advantage of this opportunity.

She took her hand that was on the door and used it to lift Santana's chin, slightly, causing it to open a little wider. Santana's eyes went wild, her mouth opened with hunger for Quinn's beautiful, supple lips. She was frozen in desperate want. Quinn then lunged forward, still holding Santana's chin softly, and Santana closed her eyes, preparing herself for what was to come. They let their mouths touch, but Quinn did not kiss her. She simply blew the smoke she was holding in her lungs into the cave of Santana's mouth and Santana inhaled every bit of it, as if it were her last breath. Quinn separated from Santana's face in a short distance.

Santana opened her eyes and stared at her, like a child waiting for instructions. "Exhale," Quinn nodded to her reassuringly. She did as she was told. Quinn then placed her free arm around Santana's hips and pulled her closer. She carefully placed her lips against Santana's right ear, "Do you want some more," she whispered seductively.

Santana moaned in pain and pleasure. She couldn't take it anymore. She wrapped her hands around Quinn's head and let her fingers get entangled in her short, soft blonde hair and pulled her in for a kiss. Her full lips crashed into Quinn's soft lips. This took Quinn by surprise, but she responded quickly, as she dropped the blunt on the floor and used both hands to run around Santana's body. She grabbed her forcefully and led her clumsily to the bed. Somehow, Santana was on top. She straddled Quinn's small hips, but their lips never left each other.

They scratched at each other's skin and their teeth clashed and scraped each other's mouths. Moans and heavy breathing were the only audible noises in the room. Santana slipped her tongue into Quinn's mouth and Quinn gladly sucked it deep into her throat. Quinn propped herself up with Santana still on top and she started kissing, biting and occasionally licking Santana's neck, right down to her collar bone. It was an inexplicable bliss that ran a sensation down Santana's spine and she quivered in ecstasy as her fingers clawed at Quinn's neck.

* * *

**A/N**: Sorry to leave you all hanging there and sorry I didn't warn you guys about the racy end in the beginning. I didn't wanna give anything away! ;) Anyways, I just wanted to say thank you for all the follows and reviews! I'm not quite sure how this site really works and I'm still pretty new at it. Hope you're all enjoying the story so far :) Constructive criticism is always welcome! Would love to know how I can improve for you all xoxo


	5. Secrets

"FUCK!" Santana screamed as she pushed Quinn's shoulders down and slammed her on the bed. Quinn became excited, thinking this was an act of more fervor and sexual heat, but it was the very opposite. Santana crawled off of her quickly, while cursing to herself in Spanish, still trying to catch her breath. She tightened her ponytail and flattened out her Cheerios uniform.

Quinn laid on the bed and stared at the ceiling as she was still trying to comprehend what had just happened and touched her lips. She sat upright, "Shit!" She ran to the doorway and quickly picked up the blunt that was burning her new carpet. Too late. A black hole had burned through. "Fuck, my parents are going to kill me."

_"My parents are going to kill me and send me to hell,"_Santana thought quietly to herself. "I have to go," she said out loud.

"But we were just starting to have fun," Quinn answered, eyeing Santana's curvaceous body.

"No, YOU were having fun," Santana blew up, "If anyone finds out about this, you're dead. I will bury you alive, you hear me, Fabray?"

"We haven't even started on our project," she reasoned. "We haven't even finished this blunt," she added, then taking a large drag and letting smoke slowly escape through her nose.

"Seriously? I'm out of here." Santana made her way to the bedroom door as she passed Quinn.

"You can't!" Quinn called out.

Santana stopped before the door and turned on her heel to face the blonde. She cocked an eyebrow, "Why not?" she snapped.

"Because," Quinn said, "It's raining." They both darted their eyes to the window, to see that it was raining quite heavily and that a storm might actually be coming. It must have been a sign of what was to come._  
_

_"Fuck," _Santana panicked. She wasn't going to walk half a mile in the rain and no one would be able to pick her up. She glared at Quinn in bitter defeat.

"Just our luck," Quinn chimed. She sat back down on her bed and continued to smoke. Santana stayed in her corner, with her arms crossed feeling a bit uncomfortable and Quinn could read it. She rolled her eyes, "Fine, I'll stop smoking, if it makes you happy," she put out the smoking stick (at least what was left of it) out on an ashtray on a nearby bedside. Santana still stood, with her jaws clenched, still suffering from agonizing awkwardness. "There, princess, the bad drug is gone," Quinn said sarcastically. She stared at Santana and could decipher in her eyes the emotions of guilt, embarrassment and befuddlement. "You get over it eventually," Quinn sighed, moving her eyes to her laptop.

"What?" Santana answered, confused.

"You get over the fact that you like girls," Quinn shrugged nonchalantly, still not looking at Santana.

"I don't like girls!" Santana quickly responded.

Quinn laughed, "Yea, that's why you on top of me just a few seconds ago. You were just trying to give me mouth-to-mouth because you thought I was dying." She turned her gaze to Santana with a mocking look on her face.

Santana shifted her eyes to the floor, "Look, if anyone -"

"I get it," Quinn interrupted, "It's a secret. I understand."

"How can I trust you? You're a bitch."

Quinn laughed again, "And you're not? I guess you have no choice but to take a chance and trust me," Quinn smirked. Santana still stood in the corner of the room, not letting her guard down and was still distrusting of this stranger. "I don't bite," Quinn mused. Santana rolled her eyes in response. "Okay, maybe I do bite, but only if you're really hot," Quinn bit her lip in remembering the heat that had just occurred only a few moments ago.

"Gross," Santana scoffed.

"You weren't saying that when I was biting your neck," Quinn made Santana squirm in her spot. "Look, the rain isn't going to die down anytime soon, and unless you want to catch pneumonia, can you just sit here and talk?"

Santana didn't want to move. She was scared. Terrified, really... She was horrified at the fact that at any given moment, if she sat down on that bed next to Quinn, one of them would eventually be on top of the other. She was already confused and she couldn't afford to have any more explosions in her mind than the bombs already blowing up her left and right brain. "I'll just sit here," Santana sat on the floor, close to the door, criss-cross apple-sauce like a child. "Can we just get started on our project now?" she pleaded.

"It's already done," Quinn answered.

"What?"

"It's already done," Quinn repeated.

"Stop messing around, I can't-"

"Fail," Quinn finished, "I know. Had we both tried to work on it _together_we would have failed. I got that nerdy kid with the Jew-fro to do it for us... Jacob, I think his name was."

"Then why did you tell me to go here?!" Santana fumed, getting up, no longer being docile.

Quinn smiled, "Because I could see a secret in your eyes." Santana looked away immediately, facing away from Quinn. "I know what it's like, Santana," Quinn got up from bed, "to live with a secret that just eats you up inside."

Santana turned her head slightly, so Quinn could see the silhouette of the profile of her face, "Shut up, you don't know what you're talking about," Santana's voice quivered.

Quinn inched slowly towards Santana, "You don't think I've struggled with it too? I've loved a girl," Quinn paused painfully recalling that memory, "I know what it looks like," she tried to keep her voice together. Santana kept her back turned. "I'll tell you my story, if you tell me yours." Quinn reached for Santana's hand and Santana turned to face her, but did not look at her. She stared at the floor, and tears were slowly trickling down her face. Quinn wiped them away with her soft, gentle hands.

Santana began to sob uncontrollably, finally being able to let go of what had been eating away at her for what felt like an eternity now. Quinn wasn't supposed to be the first person she was going to tell... She didn't really plan on telling anyone about her demons inside, but she fell apart as soon as the blonde's hands touched her face. She buried her face into Quinn's shoulder and shook with uncontrollable anger, and sadness. Quinn hugged her tightly, rubbed her back and stroked her hair, "Shhh, it's going to be okay," she whispered.


	6. We All Start As Strangers

Santana woke up in in a warm embrace, laying on a chest that was lightly rising up and down. Her eyes hurt and felt swollen. She had cried herself to sleep, but Quinn made her feel like it was the right thing to do: to finally break down and face the feelings Santana had been oppressing for such a long time. Quinn made her feel safe; possibly just as safe as Brittany made her feel in her own skin. Quinn's leg twitched and it startled Santana. She lifted her head to see if Quinn had awoken, but her eyes stayed shut. She looked so somber and peaceful. Santana never noticed how beautiful she actually was until this moment. She tucked a strand of Quinn's blonde hair from her cheek to behind her ear. Santana smiled at what seemed like perfection. Quinn's eyes started to flutter open. Her long lashes captivated Santana's gaze. Quinn's mouth spread a smile, "Take a picture, it'll last longer."

Santana sniffled a little bit from what remained of her tears from earlier, "Shut up," and a smile formed on her lips as well. She laid back on Quinn's chest, with her own hand beneath her cheek. She could feel and hear Quinn's steady heart beat at the same time.

"Are you okay now?" Quinn asked softly.

"I guess."

Quinn stroked Santana's hair, "Can I let your hair down and play with it?"

It was an odd proposition that nobody had ever made before, not even precious Brittany. "Why?"

Quinn shrugged, "Because that's what my mom used to do when I cried, when I was a kid to make me feel better."

Santana paused for a moment, _"What could it hurt?"_

"Okay," she conceded to Quinn's request. Quinn let Santana's luscious locks of hair fall freely and combed her fingers through the strands. Santana closed her eyes feeling content. "Tell me about the first girl you loved," Santana asked unconsciously and freely.

Quinn looked up, pondering on where she should start. She pursed her lips in deep concentration, "Her name was Rachel," she started, "she was my best friend at the time. I've known her since the sixth grade. She was a dork," Quinn giggled to herself as she remembered when Rachel would try to 'spice up' their uniform at their private school. "Freshman year, she had asked me to kiss her because she wanted to know what it felt like," Quinn swallowed the memory, "I was her first kiss. She told me, 'I want my first kiss to be with someone I know and someone I care about'. I thought it was just an experiment, a phase..." Quinn's voice trailed and she took a long stiff pause.

"What happened? Why did you kiss her?" Santana became even more curious.

"Because it felt right. Because it felt natural and because I cared for her. So it only made all the sense in the world to kiss her," Quinn sighed, "Long story short... She ended up getting with this Jesse guy from another school. She didn't even tell me, I had to find out for myself from one of our friends. She was acting funny around me... Not wanting to hold my hand anymore, refusing to kiss or cuddle. She was distant. And then all of a sudden she just stopped talking to me all together," Quinn could feel her eyes well up and she unconsciously stopped stroking Santana's hair, "God, I listened to 'Jesse's Girl' only like a million times after that," her voice shook.

Santana heard and felt Quinn's heart beginning to race. Santana looked up and saw this beautiful girl fall apart. She immediately got up from her position and hugged Quinn's head instead and held it against her chest, consoling her. She began to play with her hair, as she remembered the fact about Quinn and her mom. Quinn calmed down, with a few sniffles slowly paced.

"Thanks," she sniffled again, "No one has done that except for my mom, and she stopped caring about my tears a while ago."

Santana looked down at Quinn who was hugging her by the waist and was laying her head on her chest, looking like a child with a broken soul. She hugged her tighter, wishing to take the pain away. Santana kissed her on the forehead. Quinn hadn't felt this in so long... The feeling of safety and the feeling of fitting into someone's arms.

"Now you tell me your story," Quinn prompted.

Santana took a deep sigh and searched for words to form a story. She stared out the window and the rain was still pounding on the glass. "I've been confused for a while now," she started, "it was around summer, when I started getting these weird urges to kiss Brittany and all of a sudden get nervous when we would sleep on the same bed or when we would hug. I come from a religious family, but ironically a family of alcoholics as well, so there's this war that's been going inside of me. I hate myself because I feel like I'm not normal," she paused as she tried to fight the tears from cascading down her eyes. "I just... I don't know what to do," she admitted.

Quinn looked up and sat up to be at the same level as the brunette. She reached and wiped the tears that were streaming down Santana's face and took her right hand into her own to entwine their fingers, "I guess we're both pretty fucked up," Quinn noted. "It's okay, we'll burn in hell together," she joked.

A smile formed on Santana's face, "This is crazy," she sniffled, as she wiped her cheeks with the palm of her free hand that wasn't holding Quinn's.

"What?"

Santana shrugged, "I'm spilling all my secrets to you and you're just some stranger I met you like twelve hours ago."

Quinn smiled at the tan girl, "I like taking things fast," she winked.

"Hold up, I just need to clarify," Santana interjected. Quinn cocked an eyebrow. "What is this? Are we friends, do we hate each other, do you like me?

Quinn's eyes roamed to the ceiling, thinking about an answer to that question, "I guess these are our options: A) We can hate each other again, and fight for the head-bitch-in-charge position at school B) Be friends and share the head-bitch-in-charge authority C) Run away together. Oh and for the record, I do like you _like you_, if that was part of the question."

Santana blushed, "I like the idea of C, but I think I'd like to try B, since we've already experienced A."

"Can we also go for D?"

"You didn't have an option D."

"Option D is to make out," Quinn smirked as she began to toy with Santana's hand that had been entwined with hers for the past few minutes.

Santana looked up at her with hesitant eyes as the blonde straddled Santana slowly, cupping her face with her delicate soft hands. Quinn leaned in and let their noses graze, waiting for a green or red light from Santana. Santana carefully placed her hands on Quinn's hips and pulled her in closer so their lips could touch. It was a gentle, soft kiss, with their lips moving in synch and their tongues playfully clashing once in a while. Santana pulled away, trying to catch her breath, "Thank you," she said quietly.

"For what?" Quinn began whispered, a little distracted as she began to nibble on Santana's ear.

"For getting our project done," Santana joked, trying to keep the speed of her breath calm.

"Anything for you, my Queen B," Quinn giggled as she led a trail of kisses down Santana's neck. Santana's cheeks shifted to a red shade for the second time as she smiled bashfully, basking in Quinn's kisses. Knots were forming in her stomach.

* * *

**A/N:** Hi guys, sorry I took so long to update! My life has been so crazy lately. Anyway, please give me some feedback on how you like the story and let me know if you like the direction it's going or not... Still contemplating on where I wanna take it, so if you would like to help me, please review! ^_^ Btw, started a new story called "Fix a Heart" because my mind was obsessing and toying with the plot for a while now. Check it out :) ID #: 8699749


	7. A Drunken Mind Speaks a Sober Heart

A few weeks had passed since Quinn had transferred and it only took that long for her name to be known at McKinley High School. Both Santana and Quinn held the promise to share the head-bitch-in-charge crown through the halls and no one dared to question why. Well, everyone, but soft-spoken Brittany. When she came back from New York with her family after Thanksgiving break, she couldn't for the life of her figure out why the two had suddenly found this new friendship. One day, Santana hated the other blonde's guts and a week later, they were pretty much attached at the hip bone. It wasn't only the shock factor that got to Brittany, but also the fact that she felt like she was beginning to lose her best friend to some stranger, they had only come across just a few weeks ago.

"Hey Britt," Santana came to greet Brittany from behind, "What are you doing this weekend?"

Brittany looked up in thought, "Um, nothing besides feeding Lord Tubbington," Brittany paused, "unless he's back on that weird Atkin's Diet again."

"Great! so you're going to Q's party on Friday night then, right?"

Brittany discretely rolled her eyes at the nickname her best friend gave to this girl she still didn't know too well, "Why would I go to that?"

"She's our friend," Santana shrugged, "And it's going to be the biggest party of the year. _Everyone_is going to be there."

Brittany stopped walking, unable to to multitask frustrated and not afraid to let it show to Santana, "Okay one, she's _your_ friend," she said with a slightly irritated tone, "And two, since when did you care about what _everyone_else is doing?"

Santana stopped her tracks as well, staring at her friend with a dazed look, "Brittany, what's wrong? Why are you so mad about this? I just want to go to a party and enjoy it with our friends."

"Look Santana, I've never lied to you, so here's the honest truth," Brittany said, her well-known soft-spoken voice somewhat rising, "I don't like that you've become sudden BFF's with this new girl. I just - " she paused to think about the right words to say, "I just don't get how you hated her so much before I left for New York, and then I come back and all of a sudden you're like - " Brittany looked up again to think and then back at Santana, " - in love with her or something."

Santana's skin tingled at the words and her heart slightly sank at Brittany's angry towards her. She never meant to make Brittany mad or confused about her and Quinn's new friendship. She never even meant to create this friendship in the first place. Santana was so preoccupied with getting to know Quinn (in more ways than one) that she hadn't even realized she sort of neglected Brittany within the past few weeks. Santana didn't know the right words to create the truth to tell Brittany. "Look, I'm sorry that it seems like I've spending a lot of time with Q - " Brittany cleared her throat on purpose, to make Santana realize that she was peeved by the pet name, " - I mean Quinn," Santana continued, "We just sort of spent a lot of time during Thanksgiving break while you were gone and it was just one of those things when you can't judge a book by its cover," Santana shrugged. "I'm so sorry, Britt if I haven't been a very good best friend lately," she grabbed her best friend's hand, consequently resulting in her clammy hands and her nervously hoping that Brittany hadn't noticed.

Brittany sighed in defeat, "It's okay, I guess," she smiled at Santana and held on tighter to her hand before pulling her closer for a hug.

Santana gladly hugged back, and when they pulled away, she looked her best friend in the eyes, "So will you please come to this party, please. You can get to know Quinn better, please, please, pretty please," she fluttered her eyes while begging.

Brittany giggled, "Okay, okay, I'll go, but only for you," she took both Santana's hands into hers, oblivious that she had made Santana slightly blush.

"You're the best, Britt," Santana beamed.

Then Quinn suddenly appeared and caught up to the two friends, "Hey _girlfriends_," Quinn teased, giving Santana a quick inside-glance, smirking slyly, noticing the body language that was going on at the moment.

To Brittany's dismay, she had to act nice for Santana's sake, "Hi Quinn," she tried to smile, turning her body away from Santana's towards Quinn's.

"I just told Britt about your party," Santana added.

Quinn gave an amused look to Brittany, "And you're going, right?"

Brittany looked at Santana and then looked over at Quinn, "Yes, I'm in."

"Well this should be fun."

* * *

After Cheerios practice on Friday, Santana and Brittany had gone their separate ways. Santana she needed to help Quinn get her house ready for the party and Brittany needed to go home to feed Lord Tubbington. Brittany told Santana that she would meet her there probably around eight or so and would text her when she was leaving her house. Santana tried to insist that they could sleep over at Quinn's place if they both drank, but Brittany made it clear that she wasn't comfortable doing so. They both came to an agreement that Brittany would be designated driver and drive them both to her house, _if_she still felt uncomfortable to sleepover.

Santana sighed, as she hid several lamps and other various fragile items around the house in a closet. "Whatcha stressed about, Lopez," Quinn hummed, coming from behind, making the hair on the back of Santana's neck erect.

Santana was so deep into her thoughts that Quinn's sudden presence had shocked her to some degree. She cleared her throat nervously before speaking, "I just hope I don't do anything stupid, tonight."

Quinn looked entertained by the confession, "Like what?" she mused, getting slightly closer to Santana, knowing it still made her a little uneasy.

Santana grinned sheepishly, "I don't know," not knowing exactly what to reply, but knowing exactly what she wanted to say.

Quinn took another step closer, making Santana a little jittery. This in turn made Quinn want to put her hands on Santana's waist. Their bodies were so close together, Quinn could feel Santana's heart rate increase, "Something stupid like this?" Quinn moved her face forward to Santana's, allowing their noses to graze a little before letting their lips collide. In response Santana put her hands on Quinn's waist and pulled her body to her own, making their contact with one another tighter. For a few seconds they nipped at each other's lips, while their tongues lightly clashed against each other. Santana's was always the more dominant one (which Quinn always enjoyed secretly) and Quinn was always the biter (which Santana also secretly enjoyed).

Santana pulled away, but Quinn continued to kiss and suck at her neck. Santana bit her lip in pleasure, "This isn't what I had in mind, but I'll add this to things I _shouldn't _do tonight," she managed to say, with her voice slightly faltering when Quinn reached her collar bone.

After kissing and slightly biting Santana's collar bone, Quinn got up to look at her, "_Shouldn't _do?" Quinn smirked with a curious look on her face, "So that means, it's still possible that you will."

Santana playfully pushed Quinn off, "Please don't roofie my drinks tonight, Q."

Quinn giggled and closed the gap between them again, "I won't have to," she purred, playing with the hem of Santana's Cheerio's skirt.

Santana slightly blushed and grinned shyly. Again, she pushed Quinn away lightly, "Seriously though," Santana sighed, "I'm scared that I'm going to tell Brittany how I feel when I'm drunk."

"Oh God, you're one of _those_," Quinn retorted taking a step back, "You're an emotional drunk, aren't you?"

Santana pondered on her answer, "No, not quite," she paused and evaluated her intoxicated self in the past, "just usually an angry one, or a confessional one."

"You're an emotional drunk!"

Santana put her hands up as a sign of admittance, "Okay, okay, maybe I am."

"I was hoping you'd be the horny kind," Quinn replied, sincerely disappointed.

Santana blushed again, "Let's hope I'm neither tonight."

* * *

_8:16 PM_

It was Santana's twentieth time looking at her phone to see if Brittany had texted. Nothing. She took a third swig of the drink Quinn made, entitled _Jungle Juice _(a blend of the deathly Bacardi 151 and gallons of tropical fruit juice). Music was blaring and there were already at least eighty people at the party, and Santana still couldn't find it in her to enjoy the night without Brittany by her side. Finally out of her Cheerios uniform, she was wearing a tight black tube-top dress that hugged her body tightly, accentuating all of her curves in all of the right places, with a white leather jacket, properly worn with high-heeled leather boots. She looked around, greeted people with smiles and a few hello's (at least the people she liked). She made her way to Quinn who was the drinks table, taking donations for the party and also handing out drinks. "Still nervous?" she screamed to Santana over the booming music.

Santana took another sip of her juice, still not feeling the affects of it, "She's still not here," she replied loudly.

"Slow down tiger!" Quinn called out, grabbing Santana's hand which held the her drink, "You don't wanna drink that too fast," she warned.

Santana rolled her eyes and snatched her arm away, "I can handle my liquor, blondie."

Quinn looked at her with a face that read are-you-sure, shrugged and turned her attention to other guests that were beckoning her for drinks.

Santana walked away from the scene, escaped to the second floor and hid in the guest room. Her phone finally rang when she sat on the bed, feeling a slight burn in her stomach. She looked at her lit up screen.

_Just left my house. Be there in ten, San. Xx_

Santana began to feel woozy, and it took a few moments for her eyes to adjust on the screen. She smiled dopily as she replied happily (and drunkly):

_Can't wait, Britts. Hurry, plzzz ;)_

Santana brought her red cup to her lips again, but no liquid touched her mouth. She turned it over and shook it, waiting for something to come, but she had already drank the entire beverage. She pouted and attempted to get up but she struggled to stand straight. When she finally managed to balance, she whipped off her jacket, feeling suddenly hot and threw it on the bed. She stumbled towards the door, down the steps and back to Quinn. She shoved her red cup in her face.

"Is that your way of asking for more, Princess?" Quinn asked, seeing Santana's drunk glow and sloppy motions.

"Just poor me a drink, gaytender," Santana quipped. "I mean, bartender," correcting herself quickly, hoping nobody else had heard.

Quinn had a scheming grin on her face, "Oh, tonight is going to be very interesting," as she poured Santana only juice without alcohol, knowing the damage her magic _Jungle Juice_had already done to her friend.

Santana drank it, obliviously, thinking it had more alcohol, "Thanks you're the best!" she yelled over her shoulder, as she trotted away sloppily. When Santana reached the living room, which took a while, she ran into Brittany, "Britt Britt!" she exclaimed as she threw herself onto the long-haired blonde.

"Hey Santana," Brittany replied, returning the heavy hug. She sort of had to hold her friend up, "Are you okay?"

"Okay? I'm fine!" Santana waved her hand in nonchalance, still holding the red cup in her other hand, "Especially since you're here, bestie," she laid her head on Brittany's shoulder.

Brittany knew drunk-Santana all too well, "What are you drinking? Can I have some?" she tried to trick Santana into giving up her cup.

"But you're designated driver, B!" Santana slurred her words. "I mean, unless you want to sleepover," Santana giggled drunkly, her head still on Brittany's shoulder.

Glad that her friend remembered their deal, Brittany smiled genuinely, "Okay, then let's go into a room or something," still trying to trick Santana and get her to sober up somehow. She still wasn't comfortable sleeping over, but couldn't bring Santana home this wasted.

Brittany's request only made Santana jollier than she already was, "Okay!" she agreed quickly, like a bribed child, she immediately led Brittany to the second floor, holding onto the banister tightly and onto her friend's hand even tighter. They finally got into the guest room, and Santana slammed the door shut behind Brittany, locking the door. Drunk-Santana had all the courage and confidence in the world, all of a sudden, "Britt," she started, she approached her friend slowly, grabbing her by the waist.

"Yes, San," Brittany replied, putting her hands on Santana's waist as well.

Again Santana's dopey smile appeared, "I - I - " she fumbled over her words for a few seconds (because she was drunk, not nervous) " - I really wanna kiss you," she grinned even harder.

Brittany had a small smile on her face and kissed her friend on the cheek, "There, happy?"

Santana looked at her friend up and down, not even realizing she hadn't noticed Brittany's non-Cheerios wardrobe as well. She nearly drooled as she caught a glimpse of cleavage in Brittany's white v-neck and stared at her tight ass in her jeans for quite some time. She sloppily planted a kiss on Brittany's cheek as well and giggled as she got a little more rough. She pushed Brittany against the door, and at first Brittany followed Santana's physical nonverbal commands. Then Santana began to devour Brittany's neck with her luscious, glossy lips. Brittany gently pushed her off and removed herself from against the door. "Santana, no, stop it."

Santana froze, staring at her friend with hurt eyes that began to water and her heart rose to her throat and began to shatter in its place. Embarrassed and hurt at the same time, Santana became infuriated, "Whatever, Britt, just leave then," turning around, folding her arms, trying to conceal her hurt expression.

"Santana - " Brittany took a step towards her friend and placed a hand on her shoulder, "Come on, don't be like this."

Santana slapped away Brittany's hand as she turned around, "Don't be like what, Brittany?" she took strong offense to the comment, "Am I being too gay for you?" angry Santana had reared her head. "Should I go put on a plaid shirt and chop off all of my hair?"

"Santana, stop. You're a little too drunk to be - "

" - Don't tell me I'm drunk! Don't use that as an excuse! I'm perfectly fine!" Santana began yelling and she didn't know and did not feel it, but tears were trailing her cheeks. She sat on the bed, emotionally exhausted, on top of having the room spin a little bit. "You can leave now, bye," she said coldly, "I don't need you to babysit me."

With a sad look on her face, Brittany took a step back from her friend and a step closer to the door, "Fine," she replied hoarsely, trying to keep her own tears in, hurt by Santana's sudden rage. She ran out the door, slamming it behind her, making Santana jump when the door had shut loudly.

* * *

The next morning Santana woke up slowly, realizing she was in Quinn's bed, with both of them only in their bras and panties, and with Quinn's arm around her. She jolted as she processed the scene, with her head still banging and her throat still burning from the alcohol and possibly the puke from the night before. Quinn woke with a stir and sat up with Santana, "What's wrong?" she said sleepily.

"Did - Did we sleep together?" Santana stuttered, clenching the blanket cover tightly against her chest.

Quinn scratched her head with messy bed hair sleepily, "No," she groaned, "we would be naked if we did," she added moodily, "and you would be sore". She plopped down back onto her pillow and her side of the bed crankily and turned away from Santana.

Santana with a confused look on her face, still tried to put the puzzle pieces together, "What happened last night?"

Quinn grumbled a few obscenities as she wasn't a morning person, especially after a party, "I found you in the guest room, knocked out when I was cleaning up after the party. When I woke you up, you were super stubborn and wouldn't move. Then you proceeded to whine and cry about how Brittany rejected you. I rubbed your back and gave you Kleenex for about half an hour, and then I tried to get you to come to bed with me, but you wouldn't agree unless I got naked or something. So I undressed, and when we finally crawled into bed - which was only a few hours ago, might I add - you undressed claiming it was too hot for PJ's or any type of clothing for that matter." Quinn uttered in annoyance.

"Fuck," Santana whispered, in realization of the circus show that must have been the night before.

"Yea, that's what we didn't do," Quinn murmured, pulling the sheets over her shoulder, trying to go back to sleep. "Oh yea, you might wanna check your phone," she added, before shutting her eyes tightly.

Santana grabbed her phone on the bedside with wide eyes, still sitting up in bed, and scrolled down through the text messages she sent to Brittany.

_Britt, you're amzinnng nd i jst wntd to leeet yooou know._

_BFFFFFFFFFFF's Biiiiitchzzzz_

_Swearzz i aint replacinnn u wit q... uinnnnn hahahahaha_

_can u comee back nw plzzzzz. i msis yuuo_

Santana's eyes had widened even more (had that been possible), her mouth hung open in terror and she slapped her hand on her forehead. Quinn chuckled quietly as she realized Santana must have been done reading through the texts. "I told you to slow down, but you just had to be a bitch about it," Quinn claimed in an I-told-you-so tone of voice, with her eyes still shut and her body still under the covers.

* * *

Santana and Brittany had not talked or texted for the rest of that weekend. Santana was too embarrassed and felt too awkward to even try to explain to Brittany what happened. That Monday, Santana avoided Brittany at all costs, and only hung out with Quinn for the entire day. During Cheerios practice, she wasn't even able to look at Brittany and Santana felt her own discomfort radiating off of her. After Cheerios practice, Santana made a plan to get everything and leave quickly from the locker room. But since she didn't see Brittany, she figured the blonde had left earlier than she did, trying to avoid her as well. So instead of fleeing as soon as she could, Santana decided to stay and sit in the locker room on a bench, to ponder and think about what happened only a few days ago. This is exactly what she wanted to avoid... Ruining her friendship.

"Hey you," a voice echoed through the locker room.

Santana jumped at the familiar voice, looked around frantically and hadn't even realized she was alone... Well alone with another person. "Hey Britt," she mumbled quietly and nervously.

Brittany sat down close to Santana, but Santana inched away, trying to be inconspicuous, but Brittany picked up on her uneasiness, "Are you okay now? We didn't talk all weekend or all day."

Santana swallowed her dry throat, "Yea," she paused for quite some time, "Look I'm sorry for Friday night. I don't remember much," Santana apologized sincerely and honestly, "but I remember you being there and taking care of me," she smiled.

"Anything for you, San," Brittany smiled back and placed her hand on top of Santana's.

But Santana pulled away quickly, "No, stop, Britt," Santana interjected, "we can't be like this anymore, if that's how you feel," Santana shrugged at the simple fact that she stated.

"Wait, what are you talking about?" Brittany replied, very confused.

"You can't say cute things like that anymore, or touch me the way that you do, if you want me to go back as just seeing you as a friend," Santana rambled, "You hurt me that night," Santana's voice quivered and her tears were on the verge of falling, but she managed to stop them, "it really hurt that you didn't return the feelings I have - " Santana paused, " - had for you."

Brittany had an angry and befuddled look on her fact simultaneously, "What are you talking about Santana?"

"At the party I pretty much threw myself at you and you swatted me down and rejected me."

"No, I didn't reject you San," Brittany explained, "I was trying to stop you - us - from making a drunk mistake."

Santana shook her head furiously, "Kissing you would never be a mistake," she accidentally let a tear slip out.

Brittany immediately caught it and wiped away, keeping her hand on Santana's cheek. Santana's sank down below her stomach again, and an uncomfortable, inevitable throbbing became present between her legs, "I didn't want to kiss you, drunk," Brittany began, "I didn't want either of us drunk. I want both of us to remember it and be able to cherish it together," she slowly pulled forward, her hand still on Santana's face.

Santana's eyes went wild. She didn't know what to think. Was this a dream? She tried mentally slapping herself and was physically pinching herself to make sure that this was real. Brittany was getting closer and closer, and all she could see were her beautiful bright blue eyes. Their lips crashed into each other passionately, but sweetly. It was slow and sensual kiss, and Brittany sucked onto Santana's full lips desperately, wanting all of the emotion she had been holding in all this time. Santana responded to Brittany's physical yearning, by getting up swiftly from next to her, and was suddenly on top of Brittany, straddling the skinny blonde on the bench. She thrusted her pelvis hard, against Brittany's toned body, as she grabbed her hair forcefully and allowed her fingers to get entangled in her long locks that were tied up into a ponytail. She then allowed her fingers to trail down to Brittany's neck, to scratch at her skin and pull her face in harder into hers.

Brittany held on tightly onto Santana's gyrating body by the waist and her nails clung onto her skin as well. She moaned as a response to Santana's aggressiveness, their mouths danced together. The vibrations Brittany's moans sent into Santana's mouth through her tongue and lips drove Santana mad over the edge and she clutched onto Brittany's neck even harder. They finally pulled away to breathe, panting crazily, their chests heaving up and down, and their eyes locked onto one another's, both filled with wild passion.

"You taste like rainbows," Brittany grinned, still holding onto Santana's waist.

"Your lips feel like clouds," Santana smirked, with a cocked eyebrow and a satisfied smirk.

* * *

**A/N: **how do YOU guys feel? PS sorry for any typos or mistakes. it is 5:38 AM; i began writing this at like 1AM lol. YAY for coffee


	8. You Are the Space in My Bed

"_Santana_," for some reason while Santana was kissing Brittany, she could hear Quinn's voice distantly. It sort of echoed in her head as if she was haunting her thoughts, _"Santana!" _it began to get louder, _"SAN - TA - NA!"_

Santana woke up startled, with her mouth wide open and her eyes even bigger. She looked around her surroundings immediately, still in her bra and panties from earlier when she had awoken Quinn in the near same shocked state. Quinn was hovering over her with a concerned look painted on her face, "Jesus, finally you're awake," Quinn murmured, with her hand still Santana's shoulder after shaking her violently.

Santana wiped the side of her mouth that laid in a puddle of drool, "When did I go back to sleep?" The dream felt so real and so vivid as if it were really happening. She then remembered that in her dream, she even pinched herself to make sure it was true, "And did you pinch me?" she added with angry eyes.

"You fell asleep after you checked those hilarious smooth text messages," Quinn answered. "You were moaning in your sleep. Like really loud, and yes, I did pinch you," Quinn had a grimace on her face, "Either you were having a nightmare or you were having a sex dream." Santana sat up, blushing, closed her legs tightly and had a scowl on her face in response. "I knew you were having a sex dream!" Quinn teased, laughing at the same time.

"Ha-ha-ha," Santana replied sarcastically, folding her arms, still flushed from the dream, and now frustrated that she was in fact sexually deprived and that it was only a figment of her imagination.

"Who was in it?" Quinn mused. "Was it me?" she whispered close to her ear.

"You wish, Fabray," Santana answered, pushing her face away from hers playfully.

A slight haze of envy gathered in Quinn's green eyes, "Was it Brittany?" she asked as she pulled away from Santana, creating more distance between them.

"Is somebody jealous?" Santana giggled and began to poke at several Quinn's ticklish spots.

"Stop!" Quinn laughed and squirmed, trying to get away from Santana's menacing hands.

This time Quinn was laying down and Santana hovered over her. Santana studied Quinn's face, and stared deep into her beautiful green eyes as Quinn's laugh faded away into a small smile. All previous aggravated thoughts of wanting Brittany had vanished and a small curve formed on Santana's lips as she had the sudden urge to just kiss Quinn. All other encounters were always initiated by Quinn's aggressiveness and Santana was always hesitant or nervous. But staring at Quinn in the calm winter light, both of them baring their torsos above the sheets, being entangled nearly naked with one another in more ways than one, gave Santana the _need_to kiss her all of a sudden. She yearned her lips to be on hers. For once without hesitation or doubt, she dove down to Quinn's face and allowed their lips to mold into each others', seemingly fitting perfectly in unison, unlike the other times when their mouths simply crashed against each other's. Santana's hands were firmly planted on the bed as her legs straddled Quinn's small frame.

Quinn grabbed down on Santana's firm ass and pushed her down, as she pulled her own body further up into hers causing a sensational friction for both girls. Santana had to pull her face away for a brief second to exhale in bliss through a soft groan. Quinn took the moment to observe Santana's wild hair surrounding her like a drapes and examined the girl's sun kissed face that floated over her own. She was absolutely gorgeous and her beauty was literally breathtaking. Quinn's lungs wasn't prepared for what was to come next.

Santana dove in a second time, hungry for Quinn's soft lips and the way their mouths fit symmetrically against each other's once more. This time she nipped at Quinn's supple lips a little longer and lingered with brushes when there was need for air. Quinn enjoyed being dominated for once and wrapped her hands around Santana's neck, occasionally scratching her back and grabbing her ass when given the opportunity. Santana's tongue teased Quinn's, making Quinn to dig deeper and lifting her head up a little higher to chase Santana's talented mouth. Santana suckled on Quinn's lower lip and bit down hard, pulling and teasing her a bit before completely pulling away. Santana looked down at her triumph. Quinn was glowing with pleasure, and her eyes were begging for more. She traced her finger along the hem of Santana's underwear and licked her lips seductively as she eyed Santana's entire body until finally stopping to lock their eyes once more. That was enough to tell Santana what she wanted.

Santana started slow. Her experience with Puck had taught her that slow was always better; especially for the person you were trying to please. Teasing was Santana's hidden talent. She started with a peck on Quinn's lips, knowing that the blonde had craved a longer kiss, she moved on to trailing kisses on her jawline, slowly nibbling at her soft pale skin. Quinn's breathing pattern fluctuated with speed her short breaths told Santana that she was enjoying this. Santana then trailed her tongue down her neck to her collar bone, while sucking and biting with the right amount of pressure that got Quinn's body begging for more. She grabbed Santana's hair, and pushed her down lower, showing her impatience and displaying her desperate desire for her to go lower, at a faster speed. Santana smirked as she fought the blonde's strength and stopped at her hip bone. She strategically kissed Quinn's hips, while cunningly stripping off her black panties. Quinn bucked like crazy and thrusted herself into the air, "Santana!" she moaned, pulling tighter onto her hair. Santana grinned secretly as she knew this wasn't even going to be the best part. She pinned Quinn's hips down and worked her way to her inner thighs. Quinn pulled Santana's hair even harder, signaling Santana's tongue to slide into it's designated destination. Quinn groaned, her hard breathing audible with the cries of Santana's name. Quinn let go of Santana and gripped onto her bedsheets, her body rocking rhythmically with Santana's tongue. She twitched and quivered and she loosened the reigns on her bedsheets. Santana came up to meet her lips and deviously gave her a peck on her lips. She ended it, just how she started.

Quinn was beaming and stared at the ceiling with her hands on her chest, heaving breaths of air, allowing her lungs to catch up. Santana laid next to her, satisfied with what she accomplished. After catching her breath, Quinn wasted no time in showing her fervor to return the favor to Santana. But when Quinn began to kiss her, Santana stopped her abruptly, "No, I'm not ready," she managed to say between her already erratic breathing.

Quinn stopped immediately laying on her side, leaning her head on her hand and looked at Santana with a curious face, "What but what you just did - " Quinn tried to put coherent words to describe the amazing ability Santana had, " - that thing you did," she was quite breathless still, "with your tongue - you just did that to me," Quinn smiled shyly, a little embarrassed she couldn't put her words together.

Santana placed her hand gently on Quinn's face, "You were ready, you wanted it," Santana explained with a shrug. She stared into Quinn's beautiful bright eyes once more, feeling a trust and a connection that she didn't even have with Brittany. With just a look into each other's eyes, it was like they knew what was going on in the other one's mind. She knew Quinn wanted to know more, "Look, I wasn't ready when a boy took my v-card," Santana admitted. She began to play with Quinn's fingers, "I guess this is sort of my second chance to be ready when I want to be," she paused and looked at Quinn, "to have something special."

Quinn sighed in slight disappointment, but understood Santana's wishes. She pulled the covers over them and scooted closer to Santana, "Can we at least cuddle?" she smiled sheepishly. Santana giggled at Quinn's gesture and allowed the blonde's arms to comfortably lay over her midriff. She felt at peace with herself, with who she was, and with who she was with. No more wars in her head, no more battles in her heart. Nothing ever felt more right than this moment.

* * *

"Did it hurt?" Quinn mumbled, with her arm still around Santana, both of their eyes shut tight. The two had been tossing and turning in bed, trying to go back into a peaceful slumber to enjoy the rest of that Saturday lazily, but their wandering minds seemed to disagree with that decision. And both knew that neither were actually sleeping.

"What? When I fell from heaven?" Santana expected some corny joke from Quinn.

Quinn gave a soft laugh, entertained that they knew each well enough already, "Good one," she replied, "But seriously," Quinn's tone of voice shifted, "Are you okay from last night?"

Santana hadn't given it much thought since the dream and she didn't dare to look at her phone to see if Brittany had called or text either. She was dreading the result of a ruined friendship because she really was her best friend. But after spending more than half the day with Quinn, she had forgotten the tears she had shed the night before. She forgot how much Brittany's rejection broke her heart and how much it stung to have unrequited love. All because she had Quinn's arms around her and because their lips had fit perfectly together just as their entwined fingers did. "I'm okay," Santana answered honestly.

_You are the hole in my head  
__You are the space in my bed  
__You are the silence in between what I thought and what I said_

* * *

**A/N:** It seems that I stirred up the Quinntana pot a little too much in the previous chapter. Sorry to all that I disappointed! I sincerely apologize for all the Brittana feels I caught earlier this morning. season 4 has me caught up and I was reminiscing on season 2 lol. ANYWAYS everything aside to those who are wondering: YES THIS IS STILL A QUINNTANA FIC and will remain so for the rest of the story (however expect some bumps in the long road; it will not be happy all of the time. just saying) reviews are appreciated. I hope I redeemed myself as a loyal Quinntana shipper through this chapter :D (yay for 2 updates within 24 hrs)

***Disclaimer: **I do not own the lyrics at the bottom of this chapter. It is lyrics obtained from "No Light, No Light" by Florence and the Machines. On that note, I also do not own the rights to the characters in this story. Everything is for creative purposes and not for any type of profit. xx


	9. Revelation in the Light of Day

Santana laid in her room, on her twin sized bed, listening to music through her headphones, with the volume up at its maximum level. She tried to drown out all of the yelling and screaming coming from her parents. She learned at a young age that her father had a temper and her mother only wanted to use her as a shield against his rage. She had grown tired of crying herself to sleep, waiting for one of her parents to love her. Waiting to be hugged. Waiting to be tucked in at night. Waiting for a goodnight kiss on the forehead. It was useless; love didn't exist at home.

Santana was also used to the police knocking on their door at least twice a year, witnessing her mother lie to the officers with a black eye, saying she tripped and fell. Santana had adapted to the lifestyle so well, that when her teachers asked what happened to her arm or her lip, she knew the right answer was always "It was an accident, I fell and tripped." Brittany was the only one to ever question her; to notice how Santana's voice got slightly higher every time she lied. Brittany was the only person in her life who sincerely cared about her and sought out for her safety. Brittany showed her what love was.

Santana was afraid of losing the only person who had ever loved her. It was Sunday night and she was still dreading the next school day; tomorrow would be the day that she would have to face Brittany since the last embarrassing drunk encounter. It's not like Brittany hadn't tried to reach out; in fact, she called Santana a couple times, but Santana just wasn't ready to talk. She was scared of what Brittany might or might not say; she'd rather hear it in person.

Santana heard a door slam, the loud noise overpowering her music and intruding her thoughts. It made her jump a little and she took off one of her ear buds to listen. She heard her mother whimpering and sobbing in the other room; the same sad weeping that came after Santana's father would strike her. Though her mother was a consistent drunk, cold, distant and criticizing mother, it still pained Santana's heart to hear her mother cry. In sync with the sobs came her father's violent cursing and screaming. Then came the exploding shards of beer bottles, glasses and plates cracking against the hardwood floor. Santana shook at each crashing shatter. She put her ear buds back in and tried to drown out the anger and anguish she could hear outside her door. She hugged her knees, in her bare lime green short pajamas and white wife-beater tank top, and rocked her body back and forth. She hummed to the song and tried to imagine another world where she was happy. When she shut her eyes to float away into her fantasy, she was laying next to someone, their bodies molded into one as they cuddled and embraced. Santana sighed with a smile forming on her face, feeling the warmth in her chest and in her cheeks. Her eyes shot open; she realized it wasn't a fantasy, but a memory of her and Quinn on the previous Saturday morning.

_You fit me better than my favorite sweater._

* * *

Quinn's home was the polar opposite of loud violence, but the cold silence was enough to bring the same amount of agony. Her parents were barely ever home; her father was a Minister and was always busy preaching to the Jesus lovers all over the country. Her mother, a very faithful and dedicated wife was his secretary and felt more important than the First Lady of the White House and followed him wherever he went. She was a Jesus groupie.

Quinn's parents were the reason why she attended an all-girl school all her life, up until recently. They feared that a boy would ruin Quinn's potential as a loyal Christian, loving daughter and all-in-all a _good girl_. Their plan to keep Quinn in a pure, safe bubble was soiled when Quinn fell in love with Rachel. Quinn had practically evolved into a lifeless zombie when her and Rachel's love affair came to a messy end. When her parents tried to perform an exorcism on her through concern, that was the last straw. She screamed at them that she fell in love with a girl and confessed that she did not believe in a God. The confession was followed by a shower of Holy Water, several slaps to the face, and an immediate transfer out of an all-girl school to a public school, in hopes that Quinn would fall in love with a _boy_.

After that night, her parents disgust by her presence stung more than anything. They used to have family dinners and laugh at her father's stories at the table. She used to have a mother that loved to go shopping with her; picking out her dresses and matching shoes. She used to have a father who loved her more than himself and anyone else in the world; he possibly loved her more than God himself. Quinn used to be Daddy's little girl. They used to be a family.

But now all that's left is an eery quietness that Quinn has grown accustomed to. The stillness of an empty home used to eat at her soul because it was a home empty of love. But she found peace with the silence. She preferred it over the cries of her mother who wished she had given birth to a _normal _child or her father's slashing slurs of insults and curses when he drank a little too much wine. On nights like these when her parents came home, waved hello, when they came home from a long trip and turned out the hallway lights without saying goodnight, silence and darkness became her friend.

Quinn laid in her queen sized bed, tossing and turning. Something was missing. She still felt cold, despite the fact that she was buried under her covers. Her mind searched for an answer, as her eyes stared at her ceiling in the dark. Quinn shut them trying to dive her mind into the dark, but her tightly clenched eyelids only projected one thing: Santana's face when she hovered over her in bed the morning before. Quinn remembered vividly her dark hair cascading like waterfalls, only allowing peaks of sunlight to hit Quinn's face. Her mind recreated the memory: Santana's soft hot breath against her skin, the scratching of their nails against each other's flesh, the way their bodies simply fit each other like puzzle pieces. Comforted by the recollection, Quinn felt a warmth surround her. She turned on her side, pulled the covers over her shoulder and fell asleep with a soft smile on her face, dozing off into a dream where Santana laid safely in her arms, both laying together in peace.

_Heaven is a place on earth with you._

* * *

Santana marched down the hallway on that Monday morning, not in the mood for any loser to stand in her way or any jerk to ruin her day. Her HBIC attitude was in it's on position and it was fully charged. Confidence and bitchiness radiated off of her skin, and the students of McKinley High could feel the heat. They surely cleared the path for their Queen B; well one of them at least.

Brittany walked into the halls of school, observing everyone getting out of Santana's way. She could tell in Santana's step and Santana's face that her snarky bitch level was at an all time high. But Brittany knew her all too well, and was aware of her defense mechanism. It was Santana's way of shielding her emotions, and protecting herself. Brittany challenged her best friend and stood in her way, not moving unlike the other students.

"Hey Santana," Brittany peeped, with her gentle voice, "did you get any of my calls?"

Santana rolled her eyes, giving a show for anyone who was watching out of the corner of their eyes, "Out of my way, Barbie," she scoffed. Santana placed the back of her hand on Brittany's bicep to push her aside.

Brittany didn't move and grabbed the hand Santana used to try and brush her off, "Santana, we need to talk," she lowered her voice, "please talk to me."

Santana rose her walls of defense, "You didn't want to talk to me the other night when I needed you," Santana hissed, "why should I talk to you on your time," she snatched her hand away. "I don't need your pity," she said coldly, glaring into Brittany's blue eyes.

_No light, no light in your bright blue eyes._

Brittany's face softened with sadness, her eyes casted down on the floor, near tears brimming her eye lashes. Her head hung low and she let out a sigh as she allowed her best friend - well someone who used to be her best friend - to walk away. She herself fled the scene, tears streaming down her face, her chest heavy with a broken heart. She let her best friend down; she lost her.

_I never knew daylight could be so violent._

Santana secretly looked back, her head twitching, slightly hesitating to have a moment of weakness for Brittany, but her craned neck betrayed her. She caught a glimpse of Brittany flying down the hallway, her hands shielding her face and wiping tears away. Santana's heart broke; it hurt even more than the night Brittany left. Her throat felt dry, tears surfaced to her long lashes, she felt a cold chill down her spine, but her palms became clammy. She was going to chase after her, to find words to form an apology, but as soon as she turned, she felt a tug at her wrist. Santana turned around with a frown on her face and a ready insult to attack until her eyes met with lit green ones. "Oh," she said in a bit of a surprise, "hi, Quinn."

"Good to see you too," Quinn replied sarcastically. Santana stared at the floor, trying to conceal the hurt that had glazed over her eyes. Quinn took her finger and lifted the Latina's chin lightly, gently forcing her to look up. Santana's breathing sped up a bit at Quinn's touch. Her knees became notably weak, her stomach tightened and her skin began to form goosebumps. Quinn could read her affect on the girl and she was pleased that she still held this sort of power over her. But then Quinn dived into those brown eyes, with the lashes effortlessly floating with each blink; there was a haze of sorrow that led into Santana's soul. Quinn could see it. "What's wrong?" she immediately asked, with concern in her voice.

Santana looked away immediately and turned her head, "Nothing," Santana snapped quickly as she crossed her arms.

Quinn was familiar with this quick-tempered Santana. It was the Santana she met on her first day at McKinley. The same Santana that was hurting inside with a secret stuffed down her throat, and forcibly shoved in her heart. "Hey," Quinn answered sharply to Santana's returning attitude towards her, and grabbed her by the jaw, forcing her to look at her again, "what's going on?" Quinn searched Santana's eyes for an answer.

Santana grabbed Quinn's hand from her own jawline and held it with both of her hands. She felt reassurance against Quinn's delicate vanilla skin, and she heaved a deep sigh in confused thoughts. She stared at their tangled hands, in search of an answer in them, "I saw Brittany."

Quinn felt a fragment of jealousy piercing her heart, just a little. She cleared her throat, trying to shake off the tiny shard of spite that she towards Brittany, "What happened?"

"I hurt her," Santana's voice shook. It took every muscle in her body to will her tears to stay put in her watering eyes. She held Quinn's hands tighter, trying to fight the water works. Her fear had come true; the only true friendship and true love she had ever known vanished into thin air through barbed words and miserable tears. Santana felt one of Quinn's cold hands against her warm face trying to comfort her; she immediately pulled away and let go of Quinn's other hand at the same time. She felt the need to build her walls up again, taking a step back to create more space between her the blonde, "I have to go," she sniffled as she quickly wiped a rogue tear away, "I have to go find her," she murmured through a strained voice that was still trying to hide her sadness. But that slight admittance to Quinn was her way of lowering her wall, slowly, but surely (even if Quinn wasn't aware of it). She ran away without another word or even another look at Quinn; she had to make things right with Brittany. She couldn't loser her; she was the glue that was holding her together for all these years. And without her, even for these few moments, she was already falling apart, piece by piece. She ran to the place she knew Brittany would be.

* * *

Santana found Brittany on a swing set at Lincoln Elementary School, where they had met and shared so many childhood memories together. It was Brittany's sanctuary, where innocence and purity were everlasting despite the profound obscenities graffitied on the play structure. It was where Brittany found peace and that was where Santana could always find her on occasions like this. There was a comfortable silence between them, even when their eyes met, although there was a gloom that loomed over their heads. Santana sat next to Brittany on the other swing, not saying a word and only started to kick her legs to get leverage. The only audible noises were the whoosh of the wind and the squeaks of the swings. They both swung slowly, waiting for the other to speak.

"Brittany," Santana broke the silence, "I'm sor-"

Santana was interrupted by the abrupt stop of Brittany's swing and her docile voice, "You don't need to apologize, Santana." Brittany took a deep breath as she stared at her white shoes against the asphalt, "I should be the one who's sorry. I'm sorry I walked out on you when you needed me. I'm sorry I hurt you," tears were silently falling from Brittany's eyes, "I still love you as my best friend regardless of who you like or love. I wish I could return the feelings, I do, but I can't. I don't think I could return those feelings for any girl. Please don't hate me. I'm so sor -"

This time Santana's swing came to a shrieking halt, she sprung to her feet and hugged Brittany tightly. She was relieved she wasn't losing her best friend; there was a slight pang in her heart because Brittany couldn't feel the way she did, but she'd rather keep Brittany as her best friend than nothing at all. The words of acceptance and apology were enough for Santana's ears. Brittany stood up from the swing, placing arms slowly around Santana's small frame and hugging her tightly back. She hid her face in the nook between Santana's neck and shoulder, softly crying. The warmth of her caramel skin was enough to sooth Brittany's quick sniffles.

Quinn watched from afar, not being able to hear Santana and Brittany's words towards each other, but could only witness their actions. She unintentionally followed Santana here, her jealousy captivating her to do so as soon as she heard the urgency in Santana's words in the need to find Brittany. But now her envy was the reason for her breaking heart. She watched, standing close to a tree to conceal her, and soundless tears fell down her snow white cheeks as she watched the scene. She felt a familiar burning in her chest and was aware of this feeling before. A feeling of hopelessness and betrayal. She could feel her heart breaking all over again.

_A revelation in the light of day  
__You can't choose what stays  
__And what fades away  
_

* * *

**A/N:**hey guys, hope you all got to enjoy this chapter. i tried to capture the importance and impact quinn & brittany have in santana's life and vice versa. don't worry, there's plenty in store for quinn & santana. song lyrics included in this chapter are "Blue Jeans" & "Video Games" by Lana Del Rey and "No Light No Light" by Florence and the Machines (again). listen to them if you've never heard of them :) it'll help w/ the feels and what not.

_PS _was inspired to finish this chapter bc of all the quinntana feels tonight from glee (for those of you who still watch season 4) PM me if you wanna gleek out about it hehe


	10. She's Yours and You're Hers

**A/N:**Happy holidays & happy new years for those of you who have already hit 2013 wherever you live! I hope you all enjoy this chapter; took me forever to write :) everyone be safe for those of you celebrating NYE tonight.

PS thank you for all the follows, reviews & continued support! You guys are the best xx

* * *

Quinn showed up to school the next day, with tired eyes and a wandering mind. She hadn't gotten much sleep, since she was tossing and turning in her bed. That scene of Santana and Brittany together haunted her all night. It angered her that she didn't know why the memory of the distant moment between Santana and Brittany had been bothering her so much. She liked the girl, sure, but why were these green claws of jealousy sharpening? It's not like Santana was her girlfriend; they weren't even dating. They were just a... _thing. _The fact that she couldn't even define what they were bothered her even more. She walked to her locker in an irritated mood. Once she took out her heavy books and closed the locker door, she looked to her right to catch a sight that set her eyes on fire.

Santana and Brittany were giggling with each other as their pinkies were hooked. Quinn's eyes darted back and forth, reading and scanning their body language and Santana's newfound happiness with the other blonde. Her chest burned and the way her heart thumped felt heavy as if the books she was holding against her chest were an anchor. Quinn didn't realize it, but upon stumbling on Santana and Brittany's joyful entrance in the hallway, she began holding her breath, causing her cheeks to turn a dark pink.

A figure shocked Quinn out of her reverie as this body blocked her view from what she had been searing at.

"Hey," a boy's voice caught her off guard, forcing her to look up at him, "Are you okay?"

Quinn looked up at the stranger. She'd seen him walking around in the halls before. A tall jock, with a simple dark gray shirt under his bright red McKinley High School letterman jacket. He was pale, usually with a lost infant look on his face, with a hair-do that resembled a shark's fin. The hair rung a bell in Quinn's mind, "Finn, right?" she asked.

"Yea," Finn held a dorky, bashful smile, "And you're Quinn. I think I went to one of your parties."

Quinn lifted an eyebrow, "Cool," she said a bit bored with the conversation. She would have ended the conversation then and there, but in the corner of her eye, she caught a glimpse of Santana and Brittany passing by them. More importantly, in her peripherals, she saw Santana staring at her talking to Finn, with what Quinn could have sworn was a little bit of the Incredible Hulk in Santana's brown eyed gaze. Quinn smirked slyly at the boy, thinking of Santana's possible jealousy, "Did you enjoy yourself at the party?" she continued.

Finn cockily smiled, looking around, as if looking for a witness that he was talking to Quinn Fabray. He turned his attention back to the petite blonde in front of him, "Yea, but I would've enjoyed myself more if I had the chance to talk to you."

Quinn could feel Santana's head turning nearly 180 degrees and felt her eyes burning the back of her head. She giggled flirtatiously and placed her hand softly and strategically on Finn's shoulder. She pointed her toes to give her more leverage to reach the tall boy's ear and whispered seductively, "Hope you're enjoying yourself now," and in that moment she turned around swiftly, leaving Finn with a hot and bothered look on his face, with a tint of red on his cheeks. More importantly, when Quinn turned around, she caught Santana's burning gaze, Santana's head turned as if she was Linda Blair in The Exorcist, entirely ignoring Brittany's story about Lord Tubbington and how he opened and ate half a tub of ice cream all by himself. Santana turned her attention back to Brittany quickly, hoping Quinn hadn't caught her staring, but it was too late. Quinn smiled slyly, turned back to Finn and handed him her books, "Walk me to class, and I'll think about letting you take me on a date."

Wheels were spinning in Quinn Fabray's mind; a plan was being devised and a blueprint was being etched and sketched. This _thing_ that Quinn and Santana claimed to be was about to get a little more interesting and a lot more complicated.

* * *

"Santana?" Brittany called, looking at her friend across the lunch bench in the cafeteria. Her friend didn't even acknowledge her presence; Santana was busy staring at something else... Someone else to be specific. "Santana!" Brittany called out again, a little louder than before.

Santana changed the direction of her interest, being startled by Brittany's voice, "Hm?" she asked softly.

Brittany turned her head to look at what Santana was so interested in and turned back to Santana, "Stop staring," Brittany whispered.

"What?"

"Stop staring," Brittany repeated, still in a whisper, "She's going to know you're jealous." It was as if Brittany read her mind, but of course, she could always read Santana's emotions brewing.

"What are you talking about, Britt. Why would I be jealous of Quinn & Boy Finnigan over there," Santana protested with a mean look on her face.

"Well the fact that you even noticed she was sitting with Finn is a sign that you're jealous. And you have the look in your eye that Lord Tubbington has when he stares at us eat fish at the table," Brittany paused a bit, and stared into Santana's eyes again as if studying or trying to read the words that her eyes were trying to write out, "Like you're kind of sad, but angry that you can't eat the fish at the table too."

Santana rolled her eyes at Brittany's analogy, in an attempt to hide the fact that her best friend was a 100% right about her emotions, "Britt, she's not a fish."

"She's special, isn't she?" for reasons unknown, Brittany read her best friend like a book in this moment and time. Brittany had scolded herself that she was so oblivious to Santana's feelings towards her... She should've known her better; she should've known her best friend better. She didn't know when she would be able to forgive herself, for not being able to understand Santana for the first time in their lives. But one thing was for sure; it was certainly her last time neglecting Santana and her hidden emotions. Brittany knew this look that hazed across Santana's eyes. The way she was looking at Quinn was how she used to look at her. It was the glare she held when boys would flirt with Brittany. Sure, it could be overlooked as just a protective friend, but in truth it was a piercing jealousy that could be traced from Santana's coffee eyes rooted right down to her heart. "She's your -" Brittany looked up at the ceiling to think for a moment, "She's your unicorn."

"Britt," Santana hissed, looking around making sure no one was trying to listen in on their conversation, "Be quiet! Someone might hear."

Brittany's face lit up with a grin that nearly expanded from ear to ear, "So it's true! She's your -"

"- favorite singer!" Santana interrupted, looking up, eyeing a student passing behind Brittany who seemed looking a little too closely at them, "Yes Britt, Adele is my favorite singer!" she waited until people were at a safe distance and lowered her voice, "Okay, okay, you're right. She's my freaking unicorn, but what we have - " Santana paused, trying to find a definition for what she was with Quinn, " - well, we don't really have anything. And that's the thing, I don't understand how I could feel this way about someone who isn't anything to me."

"She's yours and you're hers," Brittany said poetically. The words rung into Santana's ears and echoed in her mind. Her heartbeat's rhythm beat in synch with those words. _She's yours and you're hers_.

She shook her head back to reality, "No, she's not mine and I'm not hers."

"But you want it to be true, so therefore, it is true," Brittany's simple mind sometimes created a beautiful logic that even Einstein couldn't top.

Santana stared at her best friend, truly stumped. Her chin rested on the palm of her hand, with her elbow on top of the table. She knitted her eyebrows looking for a rebuttal, for a reason to stop feeling this way, but Brittany pinned her down and forced her to face her feelings. She took the hand that her chin was the resting on and grabbed Brittany's hand across the table, "I'm scared Britt," she whispered with a blank stare on her face as her eyes rested on their hands entwined on top of the table. "What will my parents say? What will... _everyone _say? What if she doesn't even want me?"

Brittany could see the true fear tucked inside of Santana and she could feel it in her voice begging for help; begging for acceptance; begging for a hand to hold. The only words Brittany could think to say to Santana in a moment of weakness like this was what they used to always say to each other when they were kids and still said up until now to cheer the other one up. "'Tana," Brittany started, holding her best friend's hand even tighter, "it's you and me against the world."

* * *

Quinn's eyes burned with tears brimming her lids, but she willed the water not to drop. She willed her heart not to ache, and she forced her ears to listen to the large teenage Frankenstein sitting next to her, droning on and on about being the quarterback of the football team and how it pretty much made him teen royalty. She had been taking secret, quick glances at Santana and Brittany's table. She could've sworn she held Santana's focus for at least the first half of lunch, until Brittany snatched her right from under her. The sight of them holding hands and whispering things to each other made Quinn feel uneasy. She felt like she was going to throw up. The culprit of her sudden gag reflex was either what she was looking at or what she was forced to listen to; possibly a mixture of both.

Saved by the bell; literally. She heaved a deep sigh and composed herself as she got up from her seat. Quinn tugged at her jean jacket as if trying to straighten out her emotions by one physical act and smoothed out her vintage cream wedding dress she fell in love with at the thrift store. She cleared her throat, as if announcing to the ogre next to her that she was leaving and that he should either make a move or get lost. He seemed to have picked up on the sign.

"Hey, do you want me to walk you to class?" Finn got up immediately from his seat, having that dopey, weird grin on his face again.

Quinn quickly eyed Santana walking with Brittany, with their arms linked, and then placed her attention back to Finn. She looped her arm around his, "Sure, you can walk me to History."

* * *

Brittany walked a silent Santana to class, her hand leading her zombie-like body through the halls. She could tell Santana was having a rough day handling everything; these feelings, Quinn flirting with some guy and struggling to define what she and Quinn were. Brittany watched as Santana struggled defining who _she_was. It pained her that she couldn't ease the weight off of her shoulders any more than she could. She turned around, placed her hands on Santana's shoulders, looked deeply in her eyes and then gave her a tight embrace. "You and me against the world," she whispered.

Santana melted in Brittany's arms, thankful that their friendship was no longer broken or awkward.

"Hey girls," a soft, but firm voice broke the embrace. Quinn approached Santana and Brittany with both hands on her hips, holding Finn on an invisible leash as he followed her, carrying her books. "Hope I wasn't interrupting any secrets being exchanged," she smirked as she eyed Brittany, knowing she just whispered something quietly into Santana's ear. There was a little fire in her eyes that she was trying to dim down, but it was barely controllable.

"No," Brittany ignored the other blonde's jealous gaze, and tried to be polite to her best friend's unicorn, "Just reminding 'Tana that she can eat fish too if she wanted," a grin was plastered on Brittany's face, winking at Santana before waving goodbye and walking away, leaving an awkward trio behind.

"You can go put my books down on a desk in the back," Quinn ordered Finn, "I'll be in shortly." Finn of course followed the orders with no questions asked, which gave Quinn the chance to turn her attention to Santana, "So was that code for something? Did you eat her 'fish'," she said huskily with a sly half smile, trying to conceal her spite towards Brittany.

Santana fidgeted under this odd gaze of a mixture of seduction and envy. Quinn's voice made her knees go slightly weak, but Santana managed to hold herself up, "No, I wouldn't refer to anyone's personal anatomy as a 'fish'" she protested while shaking her head, "Besides, me and Brittany aren't like that. We're just friends."

Quinn didn't believe her, "Sure," she said holding a sarcastic tone, "friends hug like this," Quinn stepped towards Santana and snaked her arms around her waist. Santana reacted with wide eyes, not sure if she should stop Quinn's actions in case anybody was looking. Her body reacted differently from what her mind told her to do; she lifted her arms and let them wrap around Quinn's small waist too. Quinn then proceeded to bring her lips near Santana's left ear, brushing it a little, the contact making Santana slightly shiver, "and friends whisper into each other's ears like this." She pulled away, still holding the sides of Santana's sides and smiled seductively. "Come on, _friend_, we're going to be late for class." With those last words, Quinn sauntered into class, letting her hips sway left to right, allowing her perfect behind to hypnotize Santana.

Santana followed, her eyes still wide, her mind running through a million thoughts at once, while still staring the perfection that was Quinn Fabray's ass. She had to make a conscious decision to actually stop staring and following her like a sick puppy dog. She tried to put on her Queen B face as best as she could and sat at the table next to the desk where Finn left Quinn's books. The oaf was still standing there, waiting like a minion, hoping his obedience would land him a date with Quinn Fabray.

"Thanks Finn," Quinn smiled at the boy knowing what it would do to him, but more importantly what it did to Santana. Quinn could feel the brown girl's glare, "You can pick me up at eight tonight and take me out to dinner, if you please," Quinn gave the boy permission to make a choice to either grow some balls or to flee.

Finn seemed to have chosen to grow a pair, "Uh, yea, I'll get you at eight." The bell rang again, signaling the actual start of class. Finn stood there with a gassy look on his face, and made the awkward gesture to hug Quinn and fled the scene.

Santana hadn't realized, but she was gritting her teeth the entire time. In fact, class had already started, and it was still blatantly clear that her jaw was clenched out of anger. Quinn enjoyed seeing her like this. It was sort of like giving her a taste of her own medicine; Quinn wanted Santana to feel how she felt every time she had to see her with Brittany. "Calm down, Hulk," Quinn whispered to Santana in her seat as the teacher lectured.

Santana came crashing back to reality and was pulled away from her thoughts, "What?"

"Why do you look so angry?" Quinn prompted.

"Because I'm from Lima-Heights Adjacent," Santana replied quietly, eyeing the teacher making sure she wouldn't get caught talking during class, "I'm always angry."

Quinn giggled at Santana's smart remark, "Wanna come over after school?" she whispered as she reached over to Santana's hand and began to caress it softly, knowing that it made Santana fidget.

Santana's stomach fluttered and she had to cross her legs tightly to stop the throbbing between her legs. However, she had enough sense to pull her hand away, scared that people might have been staring, "Don't you have a date with Finland tonight?" she snapped, but her voice still quiet.

"Don't be mad at me," Quinn said in a small voice, imitating a child and holding a sad pout on her face with her lower lip puckered out.

Santana looked at her with serious eyes, but couldn't hold a straight face and smiled and laughed lightly. She rolled her eyes, "I'm not mad at you, child."

Quinn quickly grinned, "So you're coming over today?"

Santana only stared at her in silence not replying, a little annoyed that Quinn was pleading her to be her 'pre-game' date before teen Shrek, boy wonder.

"Pretty please," Quinn went back to mocking a child, but she quickly changed her tone to a voice she knew Santana would enjoy, "Mommy and Daddy aren't home," she seductively added, licking her lips unconsciously as she thought of what her Santana would do at home in her room and bit her lip for Santana's enjoyment.

"I guess I could come over for a little bit."

* * *

Santana and Quinn walked to Quinn's house together since Cheerios practice had been canceled due to Coach Sylvester's laryngitis; she couldn't yell at her cheerleaders the way she liked so she was in no mood to watch them be sloppy without having the ability to insult them and attempt to make them better.

The girls walked mostly in a comfortable silence. When they were far enough from school, Quinn reached over to Santana's hand and held it, looking at her, waiting for her approval of this small public display of affection. Santana looked back at Quinn and held a small smile on her face feeling a warm sensation wrap around her heart. Holding hands with Quinn made the world stop and allowed her to feel the pumping in her heart. Holding hands with her made Santana feel the goosebumps rise on her skin, she felt the air in her lungs and felt every breath that escaped her. She felt every fiber of the clothes hugging her skin tightly and could feel the gravel on the floor with each step. It was like holding hands with Quinn and simply being with her made the world clearer.

When they finally arrived Quinn had to let go of Santana's hand to unlock the door, but quickly grabbed it again to lead her into the open home. As soon as they stepped into the room Quinn shoved Santana onto the bed and crawled on top of her, "God, I've been waiting to do this to you for so long," she nearly growled. She bit her own lip in anticipation to reach Santana's luscious lips. She grabbed her face more forcefully than usual and began to devour Santana's mouth. She alternated from soft kisses to nipping, to biting down hard and snuck in a snaking tongue every opportunity she got. The moans she elicited from Santana showed the Latina's approval of Quinn's aggressive nature. Being on top, Quinn's right leg sat in between Santana's and with the right amount of pressure and friction, she managed to hear -

"Oh fuck!"

She moved her kisses down to Santana's neck and Santana finally had a chance to get some oxygen to her brain; well for the most part anyway. Her breaths were short, but deep and she even managed to get some words that were itching to come out since her talk with Brittany at lunch, "What is this," she managed to say in between breaths.

In between pecks and nips on Santana's skin, Quinn managed to reply, "What does it feel like?" There was a little hint of annoyance in her voice since Santana had disrupted the erotic moment with this absurd question. Santana's eyes rolled back as Quinn bit down onto her pulse point and sucked at it expertly. She managed to shake herself out of the moment and placed her palms on Quinn's chest, her physical signals telling Quinn to stop. Quinn looked at her with mad, confused and sexually-frustrated eyes, "What the fuck Santana?"

"No, before we go any further, I want to know what _this _is!" Santana argued. Santana wiggled from under Quinn and hopped off of the bed with her arms folded, "You told me you understood that I wanted to feel ready when the time came," Santana's voice was assertive, but not too loud, "You told me you understood when I told you I wanted something _special,_" her eyes held flames.

Quinn was sitting up already, attentively listening and staring intently into Santana's angry eyes that held a slight tint of hurt in them, "Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it to feel like I was forcing you to do anything," her eyes paced around the room, not being able to hold their gaze. Her voice held a small sorrowful tone.

Santana took a deep sigh, "It's not that, I don't feel forced at all. It's just that - " she paused, fiddling with her hands, the anger vanishing from her voice and her face, "I don't understand what we are. What this is? Why am I here before you go out on a date with Finn, the real life Pillsbury doughboy?"

Quinn looked at Santana and then casted her eyes back down. She padded a spot on the bed next to her, as if trying to prepare Santana for a speech. Santana complied with Quinn's request to sit back down on the bed. "Santana, you know about Rachel," she paused at the name, "And you know I was really hurt by her," Quinn found the strength to bring her eyes to stare at Santana's coffee stained eyes, and took both of her hands into her own, "I don't know what this is either, but I really like it. I really like you," she held her hands tighter, "I'm just not ready to get into a relationship right now," she paused and pondered whether she was lying to herself or not, "I like what we have."

Santana had tears on the edge of her eyes. She had been staring at their hands the whole time, listening to the words that slightly broke her heart. But she tried to understand. All she could do was nod her head, "Okay."

Quinn nudged Santana's chin upwards to force her to look at her, "Don't be like this, please."

"Be like what? I'm not being anything," Santana snapped. She snatched her hands away and got up, "I have to go." Santana reacted the only way she knew how; she began building her walls around her. She began building castle walls around her heart.

Quinn looked at Santana with hurt eyes and watched her grab her backpack. A painful silence casted over them and no words were said; not even goodbye. Santana walked away hoping Quinn would say the words she longed to hear. And Quinn wanted to say those words, but something trapped her voice down into her heart. She let Santana walk out the door. She let her go.

_A revelation in the light of day  
__You can't choose what stays  
And what fades away_  
_And I'd do anything to make you stay  
__No light, no light  
__Tell me what you want me to say_


	11. Silent Strangers

**A/N**: Hopefully after this chapter it's a little more clear why Q&S are such a mess. Sorry to keep all of you a little sad on New Year's Day of all days haha. This took a lot waiting and a lot of thinking to see where I wanted to take Q&S. Sorry for jumping around quite a bit in this chapter. Didn't want them to be stuck in sophomore year forever ;) Might be going a little too fast... or not. Let me know, you'll see what I mean shortly, my loves mwahahaha.

Changed the genre from Romance/Drama to Romance/Angst, considering I'm making most readers a little angsty lol. If you disagree with my decision of change in genre, let me know; I can change it back. Anyway, enjoy, & review! Thanks so much for following, the favorites and the reviews! You guys are simply the best.

PS. School just started again and I may be slow on updates. Probably time spans like these (one update per month depending on inspiration and ideas etc.). Sorry! Just a heads up, my lovelies. Enjoy xx.

PPS. Might have some typos in the end because I'm too sleepy to grammar check the last part, but I'm too excited and I need to post this chapt up now or else I'm gonna explode. - End longest A/N ever here.

* * *

Santana ran. She didn't know where her feet would take her, but she ran as soon as she hit the pavement in front of Quinn's house. Her chest was pounding, her head was spinning and her heart was aching. Her mind raced faster than her feet were running. It ran into a thousand thoughts, a million possibilities and an infinite amount of self-inflicted insults towards herself.

Silence was what Santana always wanted ever since she could remember. Silence from her nightmares that haunted her at night. Silence from the violence and abuse that spat venom at her in her own home. Silence from her own thoughts. Silence from the voices in her head telling her she was nothing, and no good. Silence from the urges to kiss Quinn in front of everyone. But when silence finally came barging into Santana's life, it wasn't what she wanted. Silence crept in at the time Santana needed to hear something, anything for once. She wanted Quinn to ask her to stay, to say sorry, to say that they had hope to be together one day. But nothing. Nothing sprouted from those pink lips that Santana admired nearly every day. And the silence that sat still in the air between her and Quinn in Quinn's room shattered her heart.

Santana was heaving now as her feet continued to pound on the cement below her. Her legs burned, her arms burned, and her lungs were on fire. It was a pain that brought numbness to her real torture that was tormenting her internally. She could hear her heavy breathing and feel her chest rise up and down quickly. Her heart was pounding; Santana was shocked to realize that it was still actually working.

The sun had finally set when Santana finally stopped. After an entire hour of running, non-stop, she finally found herself slowing down in a familiar neighborhood. It was as if her toes knew what direction to take her to; as if her heart had told her body that this is exactly where she needed to be at this time. There were beads of sweat clinging to Santana's skin as she walked up to the front door; her breathing still sporadic and her heart still racing, pounding in her chest just like how her feet pounded the gravel on the floor.

Santana pressed a button and heard a faint distinct _"ding-dong" _shortly after. She heard locks turning and anticipated a face that she needed to see.

"'Tana, is that you?" a familiar voice brought comfort to Santana's heart.

Santana nearly tackled the girl in front of her and wrapped her arms around the blonde's neck. She melted in the girl's arms and sobbed in the space between her neck and shoulder. She fell apart in the arms of the only person she knew who would hold her and never let go.

"Brittany, it hurts so much!" Santana cried, her voice muffled as she buried her face deeper into Brittany's shoulder.

"Shhh, shhh, it's okay, 'Tana," Brittany hummed as she stroked Santana's back as Santana convulsed uncontrollably in her arms.

Santana was shaking with hurt as she sobbed and cried, clinging onto Brittany for dear life. Strained cries escaped her lips and scratched at her throat. Her lungs felt tight, her face stung from the tears and her entire body felt weak. She couldn't move and Brittany didn't make her. They stayed like that at Brittany's front door, for a while. Holding onto each other. Santana was holding onto the only person she knew would understand without words; without any explanation. She was holding onto her best friend.

* * *

Quinn felt lonely. She had popularity. She had Finn Hudson; quarterback, star of the football team and the most popular guy in school. Finn and Quinn had become an official item after only two weeks of dating. She even had her parents back, who weren't just waving hello when they got home and turned the lights off in the hallway without any words. They were finally a family again, since they had found out about Quinn's recent relationship with a _boy_. They had dinners together and her dad told jokes at the table again and her mom went shopping with her to find dresses and shoes together. And yet, there was still a void that left her heart lonely. There was something missing.

Quinn felt that all-too-familiar feeling of heartache and it was constantly haunting her ever since she let Santana walk out of her door. The memory flashed in her mind too often for her to forget the hurt that dripped in Santana's voice when she claimed, "I have to go." Quinn's heart was still in shards of pieces even after it had been a while since she watched the smaller girl leave.

To the students at William McKinley High School, Quinn was on top of the world. Students feared her, but wanted to be her at the same time. They respected her and at the echoes of her footsteps, cleared the hallways for her. Within only a few months of being at McKinley High School, Quinn managed to take over, with a king by her side. And yet... the top felt so desolate. The truth was: Quinn was scared.

Quinn ran from what she felt for Santana. Quinn ran from all the anguish she felt when she constantly saw Brittany by Santana's side. Involuntarily, Quinn grew this spite towards the other blonde that Santana seemed so fond of. She knew the look in Santana's eyes when she would look at Brittany. She knew the touches they shared were different. They had a different connection, a different bond, a different kind of... love. Quinn knew she could never compete with the girl that seemed to be Santana's other half. Quinn felt like leftovers, like a frozen dinner you heat up when you can't afford a five-course meal. She was just a replacement for Santana. A distraction, a substitute.

Quinn was frightened that Santana was capable of making her feel this way all over again; so vulnerable and naked. So out of her element and out of control. The last time she felt this feeling and allowed it to control her was with Rachel and Rachel stole her heart, tortured it slowly and then shattered it onto the floor, walking away letting Quinn clean it up all by herself. Quinn was terrified of history repeating itself. She was terrified of a broken heart and yet, her fear of it lead her to one all over again.

The day she found Santana hugging Brittany and crying in her arms at that elementary school playground was a constant movie playing in her head. A constant reminder that Santana was Brittany's and Brittany was Santana's. The way they knew how to embrace each other with so little words; the way they knew how to forgive each other's faults through hugs and pinky hooks; it was something Quinn could never replace or even compete with. So she let Santana go... She thought it would help her move on, but being with Finn only made her feel sick. It made her into the first person who broke her own heart; the person she despised and yet still sort of loved. It made her into Rachel.

Quinn found herself looking for a familiar face in the crowds of the students that flinched at her movements throughout the school hallways. She caught glimpses of her occasionally. Her ponytail swinging with her swaying body as she turned the corner. In history class, the face Quinn longed to see wouldn't face her or look in her direction and sat directly in the front of the class, not once turning back. Quinn longed to touch her. To call her name. For God sake's at least see her face. But she had made her bed and now it was time for her to lay in it.

* * *

Santana held her reign at William McKinley High School; her glare alone could still make anyone cry as she willed. However, holding her reign and composure wasn't as easy as it looked when she was secretly falling apart inside and running away from someone who's green eyes tore her apart. Truly, she walked through the halls of the high school frightened and scared that she would run into a certain someone. Terrified that she would catch a glance of those green eyes that sometimes faded into hazel in the sunlight. The same eyes that tore up her insides and could read her every move, every eye movement, every flinch.

The pain in her chest that burned her insides was still prevalent from the night she clung onto Brittany. Everyday, the shards of her broken heart was cutting into her deeply. A depression looming over her head. Santana's mind was worse than a war zone at times. She hated herself for falling for a _girl_. Something she was taught was so unacceptable and hideous. Santana hated herself for letting her guard down. She let Quinn in; all of her in. She trusted her with so many things, told her all of her secrets, bared her soul when they were only strangers, and now... Well they were strangers again.

When Santana would catch quick glimpses of Finn and Quinn holding hands in the hallway, she'd power-walk, nearly run, to the girl's restroom so she could silently cry and try to stifle her painful sobs in one of the stalls. She would try to hold herself up against the walls as she cried because her legs became too weak and shaky to hold her up. A fiery feeling would ache inside of Santana and her throat would feel as if a snake were constricting it, making it hard to breathe. In front of everyone else, she was still the Queen B of William McKinley High School, but all alone, when her demons would come to haunt her, she was falling apart in every sense of the phrase.

* * *

Summer came quickly, but it felt like decades to both of the broken hearted human beings that walked around each other, dancing to a terrifying, anxious tune. They hadn't talked for months, and only had a handful glances at each other. The sharp pain that occurred in both of their chests when their eyes would meet was so unbearable that it felt like someone stabbed them in their rib cage; as if both girls' lungs had been punctured by one of the broken pieces in their hearts and they were drowning in their sorrow; they were drowning in their loneliness; they were drowning in their misery without the other. Neither had the courage or strength to acknowledge the other. It simply hurt too much. Both Santana and Quinn were thankful that summer break was approaching. Then it meant the torture of avoiding each other would be over soon. There was only two more dreadful long weeks of the school year left.

"Class," the teacher called, as she tried to quiet down the class. The short, stout woman, with a short bob haircut that didn't make her look all that appealing stood in front of the class, tapping her pencil impatiently. She cleared her throat one more time, "Class, please listen up."

Santana rolled her eyes at her immature classmates who wouldn't pipe down and then turned her gaze outside of the window with her chin rested on her hand that was propped up on the desk. She could feel a gaze at the back of her head, but decided to ignore the temptation to turn around to catch the culprit.

When the class finally settled down, the teacher cleared her voice again, "Now class, you all know that finals are next week," shortly after this announcement the classroom was filled with the expected moans and groans. Again, Santana rolled her eyes. "However, since I am such a nice teacher," the teacher said sarcastically, "instead of a final exam, you all can partner up and do a project with one another about a specific time period. Now this is going to be..." the teacher went on, but Santana's body stiffened at the words "_partner up and do a project_". A vivid memory of her and Quinn haunted her mind and everything else was blurry to Santana; the teacher's voice became faint.

Santana quickly searched around the room for potential partners; any partner really. Her eyes casted down on Puck. He was easy enough; all she had to do was bribe him with a make-out session. She was hoping that he would settle for that because she was in no mood to lie on her bed for all of nine minutes just for him to be her partner in a project that she probably would be doing by herself anyway.

As soon as Santana came crashing back to reality, she waited anxiously for the words, "Go ahead and find a partner," and as soon as those words were said, Santana beelined it to Puck.

"Puckerman, you're my partner for this project," Santana demanded, looking at her nails seeming uninterested in anything else.

"Says who?" Puck questioned with an aggressive tone.

Santana narrowed her eyes towards his direction with her jaws clenched and her lips pursed (her signature bitch-look), "Says me," she replies calmly.

"What's in it for me?" Puck smirked.

Santana was peeved, but couldn't show it or else Puck wouldn't be her partner and she desperately needed him to be. She leaned into his ear a little seductively, her hand traveling from his chest to his shoulder, slowly, "Me."

Puck slightly shivered at Santana's whisper, "Sure," he replied cockily.

"Good," Santana cooed.

The bell rang and Santana sauntered back to her seat, letting her Cheerios uniform swing high enough for Puck to be entertained, making sure she had him locked in as a partner. But besides his gaze, she could feel another one burning her skin as she walked to her desk to pick up her books and backpack. She ignored the feeling, swung her backpack over her shoulder and walked into the hallways with her books in her arms.

* * *

Cheerios practice was finally over and Santana was covered in perspiration. Coach Sylvester didn't hesitate to make them sweat, possibly bleed and definitely cry. During practice, Santana could've sworn she could feel the same itch on her skin as if someone's eyes were creating this sensation. She could feel the temptation to look for the eyes giving her this menacing feeling. But Santana tried to ignore it and focus on the ridiculously difficult routine Coach Sylvester had constructed for them to do instead.

Santana was exhausted and just wanted to go home, shower and start on her project that she would inevitably have to do, knowing Puck wouldn't do anything, but try to get in her pants. She hugged Brittany tightly and said goodbye after practice. Brittany offered her a ride home, but Santana forgot some books that she needed in her locker, and Brittany's mom was in a hurry for a Brittany's dentist appointment.

Santana finally got to her locker, too tired to think, and unlocked her locker in a zombie-like state. She grabbed her books hastily, in a rush to go home and try to forget about how sore she would be the next day.

"So you're playing straight now, hm?"

The voice made Santana jump and her books spilled all over the floor. A voice she hadn't heard in so long, except for when it echoed through the halls when she talked to other people, all of a sudden came from behind. Santana turned around furiously and glared at the figure standing in front of her, "What the fuck?!" she exclaimed angrily. It took every ounce in her body to not do a lot of things: not to cry, not to slap the person in front of her, not to pounce on this person and kiss them furiously. Their eyes locked; there were those damned green eyes again.

Santana turned around as soon as she could, breaking the stare-down competition and began to pick up her books. A million questions began running through her mind. "_Why the fuck are you talking to me now?! Why the fuck are you here?! Who the fuck do you think you are?! You haven't talked to me in months, called or even texted and now you want to fucking talk to me?!_" An infinite amount of emotions was flooding Santana. A myriad of words wanted to spill out and scream at the blonde behind her, but instead, Santana's instinct was telling her to bolt and leave.

Santana tried to walk away from the scene, but the blonde haired girl swatted her hand towards her books, making Santana's books fall all over the floor again. Santana stared at the sprawled books all over the floor with a shocked, but highly infuriated look on her face. This was the trigger. Fuck walls, fuck composure, here came the fire, the pain and the rage that was burning inside of Santana all this time.

"FUCK YOU QUINN!" Santana screamed it at the top of her lungs as she turned around, leaving the books behind her. Her face held so much anger and hate that Quinn was taken back a little, looking a little confused at the girl's sudden rage.

"FUCK YOU!" Santana repeated. She stormed towards her and poked at Quinn's shoulder with her pointer finger, pushing her a little aggressively with one shove. "You don't talk to me for months and all of a sudden you wanna do this shit? You have no right! You have no right to even look at me! FUCK YOU!" Santana's dam had broken and her river of anguish and anger came out. The truth came out. She shook her head as she looked at this girl that she dreamt of all this time. This girl that had changed her life essentially. This girl that she cared for deeply. This girl that she _needed_ just as much as she needed the air she breathed. And she hated that Quinn was _this girl_.

_Smack._ The sound resonated throughout the empty hallway of lockers. Santana's hand ran across Quinn's face hard enough to leave a red mark that was already beginning to fade into a deep pink. Santana shook with anger, with pain, with hate, but also with something that could be love. But she pushed that thought and emotion out of her head. She couldn't love this girl. This girl was a stranger; this girl filled her with hurt and anguish; this girl wasn't hers to love. Santana stared at Quinn who wasn't moving; the only audible sound that came from either of them was their faint breathing. There was that painful silence again. Santana quickly turned and ran away, leaving her books all over the floor; this time not expecting or wanting Quinn to come chase after her.

* * *

Quinn didn't know why she did it. Why it tore her apart when she saw Santana flirt with Puck so he could be her partner. Why she had stayed after school just to wait for Santana to talk to her; to taunt her. Why she decided to swat those books out of the Latina's hands. And most importantly of all, why she didn't go chasing after the girl she longed to talk to. To touch. To kiss. And to hold.

The words and curses that came from Santana definitely stung, but Quinn knew she deserved it. She knew the pain she inflicted onto Santana because Quinn had felt the same pain with Rachel. Tears began to surface Quinn's eyes; she cared for the girl obviously. Why did she make her suffer? Why did she make them both suffer? She thought it was for the best and ended up getting the worst. Her throat felt tight and she swallowed hard. She clenched her fist in determination.

Quinn wasn't going to let Santana slip through her hands again. Quinn needed her. She needed to touch her, to talk to her, to explain, to simply kiss her. Her legs began to move in the direction Santana ran. She hoped she wasn't too late as her boots made an echoing noise through the empty school. Quinn reached the outside of school onto the football field and she frantically looked to her left and right, her eyes darting back and forth looking for anything in a red and white Cheerios uniform. She was breathing hard, but her chest felt tight at the absence of Santana. She ran her hand through her short blonde hair, worried that she lost Santana for good, but when her sporadic breathing began to calm down, she could hear sniffles and sobs coming from a certain direction on the field.

Quinn perked her ears to listen. To someone who wasn't paying attention, all they would hear would be the rushing of the wind passing their ears, but Quinn was like a fox, trying to get closer to sounds of a crying girl, hoping and praying it was Santana. She didn't dare call her name, in case she would scare her away. Quinn bit her lip in concentration as she crept around, still trying to follow the sounds of the whimpering person. Her ears lead her under the benches, and sure enough, Santana was crouched in a ball, her arms wrapped around her legs, her head buried in her knees as she sobbed heavily, gasping for air.

Quinn took a breath of relief. She hadn't lost her after all; she still had a chance to make things right. As Quinn tried to make a quiet advance to Santana, the gravel below the soles of her boots betrayed her and gave away her presence. Santana looked up quickly in a shocked and slightly scared state, not wanting anyone to see her this way.

Quinn put up her hands as if a sign of surrender, "I come in peace," she said quietly as she walked over slowly and carefully towards the cheerleader.

Santana glared at her with red puffy eyes, in hopes that it would scare the girl away, but she should've known better. Quinn was different from the rest of the student body at school. She knew her too well. And the blonde dared to sit next to Santana in her jeans and her pink sheer button up. They both sat next to each other in criss-cross apple sauce in silence for a while, under the benches. Their knees slightly grazed each other and both girls had their hands folded on their laps, seeming to think of how to form a million words going through their minds into an actual conversation, at least sentences.

"I'm sorry," Quinn broke the quietness. "I'm sorry and it's okay if you never forgive me," she continued, "I was stupid to let you walk out of my door, with no explanation, no words. I didn't want to let you go, Santana, but I had to. I thought it was best for the both of us and obviously it wasn't." Quinn paused, letting her mind lace words that made sense together and that hopefully made sense to Santana, "I was scared. The way you make me feel scares me and I didn't lie when I said I wasn't ready to be in a relationship. Whatever I have with Finn by the way, isn't a relationship. It's not even anywhere close to what I have..." Quinn paused and cleared her throat to correct herself, "_had _with you."

Quinn tried not to cry or let her voice quiver, "What you have with Brittany," Quinn wiped a tear away quickly, "I can't compete with that. I never could. And it hurt too much to see it. Fuck, it still hurts to see it now, so I let you go so many months ago, in hopes that I could get over you," Quinn looked to her right at the girl sitting next to her, who wasn't moving or even looking at her, "But God damn it Santana, I can't and letting you go was one of the most stupidest things I have ever done in my life," Quinn's voice broke and she began to cry, "I'm sorry, I truly am."

Santana sat there in silence, staring at nothing in particular trying to wrap her mind around what Quinn was saying. The two girls were surrounded by only the sounds of the wind blowing, chirps coming from birds and the occasional car whizzing pass by McKinley High. After fifteen minutes of what felt like an eternity, Quinn got up to leave, calculating in her mind that Santana probably didn't want anything to do with her any longer. She dusted off her jeans as she got up and was about to begin to walk way from the girl in a cheerleaders' uniform, until she felt a hand grab her wrist.

Quinn looked down at the girl who was looking up at her with vulnerable eyes. They were begging her to stay, "Please don't leave," Santana spoke softly, but her voice still cracking as tears began to form on her bottom eyelids. Quinn quickly and swiftly swooped down onto her knees to wipe the tear that was falling on Santana's cheek with her thumb.

The blonde softly cupped the brunette's face, once in a while tucking back small strands of loose hair from Santana's ponytail behind her ear, but the whole time she was looking into her deep brown chocolate eyes. They gazed into each other's eyes the entire time, not saying a word, only seeming to read each other's mind through their stares. It was something they avoided for months and it had felt like an eternity since they had been so naked with each other. Staring into one another's eyes felt like home; a warmth settled in their hearts and a tingling sensation tickled both girls' skin. They were like a jigsaw puzzle; a thousand pieces because someone or something had broken them up, but together they made one big picture... A masterpiece of love eventually. They were slowly starting to realize that they fit each other's pieces.

Quinn boldly inched a little closer towards Santana's face, but hesitant to get too close in case Santana wasn't ready yet. Their eyes were still locked and their eyelashes fluttered as the gap between them began to close slowly and organically. Quinn allowed their noses to graze first and sort of let her lips hover above Santana's, waiting for Santana to decide whether or not their lips would meet. Santana didn't hesitate to finish the job and allowed their lips to collide in an open mouthed kiss.

The kiss held a searing passion, unlike any of the kisses Quinn and Santana shared together before. It was slow and passionate and held so much emotion and words they wanted to express to one another. The feverous kiss was slow paced, and sensual. Quinn's lips carefully lingering over Santana's making sure she felt every motion, every brush, every breath that escaped her. Their hands roamed, desperate to feel closer than they already were; desperate to mold into one another and fit each other's pieces. This kiss was a flood of every shred of emotion they felt all that time apart. It whispered to both girls' ears, _I missed you. I'm sorry. I'm yours. _


	12. Steps

Quinn and Santana laid next to each other on the damp grass in the middle of the football field. The night sky had already fallen and the stars were out for them to count. The stars twinkled in their eyes, with a glint of hope in the corner that tugged at their hearts in silence. Only their light breathing was audible and they refused to look at each other. Both girls too scared to scare the other one away with too much to say.

Santana took in a heavy sigh, quirking Quinn's curiosity. Quinn shifted her body to face the slightly smaller girl next to her, her head laying on her propped arm, as she allowed her eyes to run across Santana's body and gaze at every inch of beauty that was her. Quinn's breathing was slow, but her heart raced faster than the fantasies that were running through her mind.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer," Santana mocked, smirking as she recalled hers and Quinn's first interaction.

Quinn smiled, feeling a warmth settle in her chest and radiate on the surface of her skin. She studied Santana's face and she could read her like a book. She could see the sorrow, the confusion, the fear and the anxiety bubbling beneath Santana's attempted composure. It pained Quinn to see her like this. She knew Santana had more questions; she knew Santana needed more answers.

"Can I play with your hair?" Quinn hummed, reminiscing on the first time she asked Santana that question.

Santana just continued staring at the sky for a few more seconds, as if asking the stars what she should do. She began nudging her way towards Quinn. Naturally Quinn laid back down on her back and Santana placed her head comfortably on her chest. They fit together so perfectly. Santana felt the rhythm of Quinn's chest rise and fall and felt so safe in those arms, surrounded by her soft creamy skin. She closed her eyes as she felt Quinn lace her fingers through her thick dark hair as if combing out any worries that swam in Santana's mind; combing out all the bad thoughts and all of the fear she held in her heart.

"I'm sorry, I really am," Quinn whispered.

Though it was a whisper, it echoed through Quinn's chest and Santana's ears rung with pain as she could feel Quinn's guilt through her heart beat and trembling quiet voice. But Santana stayed still, her eyes still closed, her hands on Quinn's chest. She stayed silent, though the voice in her head was screaming a million questions. She couldn't bring her lips to form audible words.

"Please say something," Quinn begged, her hands now still.

Santana sighed, as if preparing herself to come crashing back to reality. She propped herself up from Quinn's chest, causing a dazed look on the blonde's face. Santana examined Quinn's pale face against the full moon's light and she cupped it gently and longingly before diving in for a soft kiss. It was a warning kiss. A lingering kiss. The type of kiss you give someone before you say goodbye. The type of kiss you give someone when you feel that it's the last one between you two.

Santana slowly broke away from the kiss, kissing Quinn's forehead before pulling herself up entirely. She sat and stared at Quinn who was still lying down. "I'm sorry," her voice was low and hoarse and it cracked, "I can't do this."

_I can't do this_. The words echoed in Quinn's ears and was a brick that was thrown at her heart, shattering it into a million shards. A lump formed in her throat and tears began to form at the corner of her eyes. She should have expected this; she should have known it was coming. The words hit her like a train and now she laid on the grass, all feeling from her face being drained and poured into her chest as heartache. She couldn't look Santana in the eye, so all she focused on were the stars in the sky.

The look on Quinn's face broke Santana's heart, but Santana didn't forget the pain she felt all these months. She didn't forget about the night when she clung onto Brittany, barely having the strength to even breathe. If the heartache she felt all this time was an indication of love, then Santana didn't want to believe in love anymore. Love isn't supposed to make you cry yourself to sleep every night; the violence and anger at Santana's home did that. Love isn't supposed to make you feel weak; Santana's self-conscious did that. Love isn't supposed to hurt you; Quinn did that.

Gathering all of her strength, Santana got up from where she was and began to walk away, leaving Quinn behind, doing what she thought was the right thing. But if it was the right thing, why did her heart tell her otherwise? If it was the right thing, why did it still hurt? But regardless of what she felt, Santana kept walking away. She breathed slowly, calculating in her mind that this was the right decision to make. Calculating each step.

_1 step. She hasn't talked to you in what feels like an eternity.  
__2 steps. She's dating Finn.  
__3 steps._ _Wait, I'm not gay.  
__4 steps. Fuck girls.  
__5 steps. This isn't what love is supposed to feel like.  
__6 steps. Love is supposed to be like in the movies.  
__7 steps. She broke my heart.  
__8 steps. I'm not gay.  
__9 steps. She doesn't love me.  
__10 steps. I don't love her.  
__11 steps. She's not the girl I fell for.  
12 steps. God damn it, I don't love her!  
13 steps. She's a stranger.  
__14 steps. She doesn't care.  
__15 steps. She won't chase aft-_

At the fifteenth step, Santana felt a cold hand suddenly tug hers. Instantly at the touch, her skin tingled with fire and before she knew it, her lips were latched onto Quinn's as Quinn pulled her in for a sudden and sort of sloppy kiss. After the initial shock, Santana closed her eyes and eased into the kiss, the kiss becoming slow and meaningful. Their lips became tangled in this emotional mess they made of themselves. Both hearts aching; both hearts wanting; both hearts scared.

Quinn pulled away from the kiss first. For one reason, to give them a moment to catch up on their breathe. And the second reason was to look longingly into Santana's eyes. "I'm scared," Quinn admitted with a quivering voice, "I'm terrified of you. Of what you could possibly do to me," her voice was so frail from baring her soul. Santana never saw this before. Not even when the blonde spoke briefly about Rachel.

Quinn took a deep breathe, trying to compose herself and trying to keep the tears from flooding her face. She held both of Santana's hands, hoping somehow that her feelings would simply transfer through the touch of their skin. "But I'm willing to take a chance," her voice became a little stronger, "I'm willing to prove to you that this is real," her thumbs were rubbing circles on the back of Santana's sun kissed hands, "Even if it takes an eternity, I'm going to prove that I'm yours to keep."

Santana was frozen; she stared at this girl across from her. She never saw this side of Quinn before. This much vulnerability in her voice, in her eyes, in her touch. She was so used to the aggressive Quinn. The Quinn that demanded attention in a room as she walked in. She's only seen broken Quinn a handful of times and each time, including this one, Santana just wanted to fix it. Even if it meant risking her heart, all Santana wanted to ever do was fix the girl who sort of fixed her.

Yes Quinn broke her heart, but before that, she silenced Santana's fears. Quinn shut up Santana's hesitation. Quinn turned down the volume of the chaos that was Santana's life. And when they held each other, touched each other, kissed each other, it was as if that was enough to save both of the young ladies.

Looking into Quinn's eyes, Santana was choked up by her words. She couldn't say anything or really think of anything to say to the sweet gesture that she only saw in movies and never really experienced. She was used to people fawning over her sure; used to them showering her with attention and gifts, but only to get into her pants. Quinn wanted to get into her heart. All Santana could do was nod, in approval before leaning her head onto Quinn's shoulder as if she needed help standing.

"Will you please come over," Quinn asked softly into Santana's ear. It wasn't husky or tantalizing any way like most of the times Quinn asked her to spend the night. It was soft and gentle and inviting in a whole other way.

Santana only nodded again, her head still nuzzled against Quinn's soft skin that held a sort of home-sweet-home type of scent. A smell that Santana missed so dearly and had nearly forgotten because of the time and space spent apart. She forgot how good their skin felt against each other.

* * *

Quinn and Santana got to the Fabray's dark household, holding hands the entire way. The house was nearly as pitch black as the night sky. Though it was nearly midnight, when Quinn had turned on the lights there was no signs of anyone home. Not a note, not the smell of a home-cooked dinner. Just the cold silence that Quinn was still so used to.

Quinn sighed, "They're out of town again," she informed Santana as she led her to the couch, their hands still latched onto each other.

Both girls were exhausted, too tired to even walk to Quinn's bedroom. Too tired to change out of their clothes. Too lazy to wash their mascara stained faces from all of the tears. But Santana felt gross; she hadn't showered since Cheerios practice. But her head rested on Quinn's shoulder comfortably, knowing the blonde wouldn't judge her... But still she felt gross.

Santana kissed Quinn's creamy neck, "Can I shower, please," she murmured against her skin.

Quinn's goosebumps rose from her pale skin, the feeling of Santana's full lips on her making her stiff with temptation, "Mhmmm," was all she weakly managed to say.

Santana sprung up from the couch immediately and skipped to the guest bathroom. It felt nice to have this again; to feel comfortable in her body because somebody admired it so much. She felt cozy in herself because she didn't have to pretend to be somebody else. She didn't have to pretend to be happy. She actually was happy.

Santana turned on the shower head, allowing the temperature of the water to run until it was luke warm. She let her long black, wavy hair down before she stripped herself out of her Cheerios uniform and underwear quickly, feeling the immediate cold air in the bathroom. Her nipples hardened and goosebumps rose from her skin. She quickly hopped into the steaming shower and closed the clear door behind her. The water drummed against her body comfortably and she felt her muscles relax under the warmth of it as water dripped down every inch of her. She faced the shower head with her head pointed down, letting the water wash away any doubts she had of being there. She let the shower wash away any doubts she held of being with Quinn; wash away any fear she had of Quinn hurting her again.

With her eyes shut, her mind couldn't help think of Quinn and how effortlessly beautiful she was. Even in the times that she broke down and fell apart in front of Santana, Santana couldn't help but find true beauty in the blonde as memories of her face haunted her in the shower. Her head still casted down and her eyes still shut tightly, Santana bit her lower lip as her own hand began to wonder across the surfaces of her body. She had to prop her left hand against the tiled wall in front of her to help her stand as her fingers grazed across her naked skin. She rubbed her right breast first, before lightly brushing her nipple in soft circles. As intense memories of her and Quinn clouded her mind, she felt a sudden wetness that wasn't caused by the shower between her legs. She let out a quiet gasp as she continued to feel herself.

When Santana could no longer ignore the throbbing in between her legs, she dipped two fingers below her waist and found her slick wet folds. Memories began to mingle and mix with fantasies of her and Quinn together and she let out a a moan that was close to a growl. At this point, she didn't care for being quiet and she was pretty sure the shower had muffled her noises anyway. Her hand began to work faster on herself, but the friction wasn't enough. This time Santana let out an aggravated grunt, frustrated that she couldn't pleasure herself. She tried different motions and angles, but nothing was working. She was ready to give up when she heard the clear shower door close and felt a presence behind her.

Santana's eyes shot open, her left arm still propping herself up and her right hand still in between her legs. She was slightly embarrassed and was ready to turn around when she felt soft breasts against her back and felt a hand snake around her body and over right hand that was no longer moving, while she felt another cold hand hold onto the left side of her hips. She felt someone's soft, slender lips wrap her skin on her shoulder and she felt her knees go weak, but the hand gripping her hips held her up.

"Quinn," Santana mumbled, her head now thrown back, resting on Quinn's shoulder, giving Quinn more access to her neck.

Quinn peppered Santana's flesh with quick kisses and trailed her tongue to her ear, where she licked her lobe sensually before whispering in ear, "Don't stop touching yourself."

Santana gasped and felt a flood of wetness coat her fingers. She began moving her hand and slowly moving her hips against fingers. She felt Quinn's hand add more pressure to hers and followed her speed, "Fuck," she moaned, she was close.

Santana felt Quinn's hand that was on her hips trail up to her breast and began touching and caressing her nipples almost unbearably. She rode hers and Quinn's hand more vigorously, with every thrust followed a gasp from her and possibly Quinn. Her senses were going crazy, she didn't know what was going on anymore. She didn't know which sound came from her or Quinn. Quinn bit down on her flesh that sat on her shoulder and Santana let out a yelp of pleasure and pain, her head still laying on Quinn's shoulder. Her mind went hazy as Quinn applied more pressure to her own hand and she felt her every muscle quiver as her eyes rolled back. Santana let out a scream as a cloud of pleasure rained on her body. When her body slowly came down from its high, and both girls' breathing came to a normal pace, Quinn removed her hands from Santana's body, letting her to turn around.

Santana snaked her arms around Quinn and pulled her into a slow, wet kiss. Santana pulled away, biting her lower lip as she stared at Quinn who was smiling at her and for once in a long time, seemed happy. "Someone's a little perv, being a peeping tom and all."

Quinn giggled and shrugged, "I heard the sounds you were making and thought you might need some company," a smirk laid on Quinn's face as her eyes examined Santana's irresistible naked body.

Santana gave her a peck on the lips, "This doesn't count, ya know."

Quinn quirked her eyebrow curiously, "What?"

"Remember, I said wanted it to be special. Kind of like a do-over."

"Yea..." Quinn prompted.

"Well technically, I was touching myself, so this doesn't count," Santana argued while looking up to the ceiling, as if to think, "Which means, if you want me, you have to make it special," she explained in a husky, sexy tone of voice.

Santana leaned in as if to kiss Quinn again, but as Quinn pulled her closer, Santana quickly turned around the opposite direction, turned off the water and swiftly went around Quinn to exit the shower, wrapping herself in a towel. "You did say even if it took an eternity, you'd prove that your mine," Santana tried to keep her eyes on Quinn's because staring at her body would make her weak and regret doing what she was doing, "So prove it. Actions are louder than words, Quinn Fabray." And with that Santana turned around and made sure to sway her hips the right way to leave Quinn frustrated and drooling.

"Bitch," she heard Quinn murmur and a devious smirk was plastered on Santana's face.

* * *

Quinn took a quick cold shower to rinse off her sexual frustration at the moment. After she got dressed in her pajamas, she found Santana in the living room, about to fall asleep watching TV on the couch, in only her underwear and one of Quinn's oversized shirts. Quinn huffed a frustrated breath and tried to contain herself as she approached the near-slumbering Latina.

Quinn shook her lightly, "Santana," she cooed.

Santana's eyes that were drooping dangerously, opened slowly, "Hmm?" she hummed groggily.

"Come on, let's go to bed," Quinn urged.

"No," Santana whined sleepily, "You're gonna try and rape me."

Quinn couldn't help, but giggle at the statement. She kissed the tan girl's bronze shoulder, "Shut up, and come on. I know you secretly enjoy being the little spoon."

"I hate you, Quinn," Santana surrendered as she dragged herself up on the couch and let Quinn pull her to stand.

Quinn led a sleepy (and cranky) Santana into her room and let her crawl into bed first under the soft covers and cozy comforter. With Quinn's arm securely around her small frame, Santana was finally ready to doze off with her eyes shut tight, but she felt a bright light burn her eyelids and on top of that, Quinn's arm was no longer hugging her tightly. She furrowed her brow before opening her eyes angrily, "God damn it, Quinn, let me sleep!"

Santana moodily let her eyes adjust to the bright square Quinn clearly held in front of her face. It was a phone and a text message conversation. Santana was confused and on top of that sleepy and ready to kick Quinn's ass, especially after she read the contact that said "Finn Hudson".

"Quinn, what the fuck, I'm seriously going to kill you."

"Just read it," Quinn said softly, "Actions are louder than words," she repeated Santana's words.

Santana read the green text that was from Quinn to Finn.

_We're over. I'm breaking up with you via text. Don't call or text me or ask for me back or else I'm going to tell the entire school about your little problem._

Santana's heart raced and she turned around to face Quinn with a bewildered look. Quinn gave her a quick kiss on the lips in response to Santana's panic-stricken face, "I'm yours, and yours only."

* * *

**A/N**: A kind of hasty update, sorry. But I've been working on this chapter for so long, I'm going to chuck my laptop out the window if I don't post up a chapter now haha. Sorry for the fluff (for those of you who wanted more conflict) - don't worry, there are plenty in store for these two. Wanted to post a happy post for once. I needed to write something happy to get away from the misery that is life right now -_- (going off on a tangent). Anyway, hope you enjoy. Please R&R and give me some constructive criticism. Always appreciated guys ;)


	13. It Doesn't Matter, It's Not You

**A/N**: You all asked for angst... here you go! Sorry it's very short, but the next chapter will be better and will explain why this one happened :P

* * *

Quinn woke up first. In fact, she woke up smiling, the sun shining through her sheer curtains, and Santana's back nuzzled against her chest, Quinn's arm securely around her. Quinn loved this feeling; the feeling of being next to someone who fit her so perfectly. Someone who understood her words when she tended to vomit them out. Someone who listened; someone who cared. Of course, she should be smiling when she woke up. Quinn studied the other girl from behind for a brief moment, simply admiring Santana and her capability of captivating her attention by simply sleeping.

Before kissing Santana's neck softly, she grazed her nose against her soft skin, cherishing this closeness between them for a short amount of time. She didn't want to wake Santana so she slowly slipped out of bed, making as little movement as possible and headed down to the kitchen to surprise Santana in bed with a treat. Quinn had so much love to give and it had been so long since she put in any effort into anything at all. She was ready to shower Santana with surprises and everything that was considered romantic. Quinn was ready to give it to her all. After Quinn hurt her as much as Quinn did, Santana deserved only the best. Quinn knew it would take a lot to convince her that she was serious and that she was finally ready to do what she was so scared to do before: take a chance. And she was ready now; ready to take a leap of faith and hopefully be caught in Santana's arms.

After cooking pancakes, eggs, bacon and making coffee, Quinn walked into the bedroom and nearly dropped the tray of food she was holding. Her eyes scanned the empty bed that was supposed to have Santana in it. Quinn's eyes ran around the room; it was filled with emptiness, and her heart soon became empty of feeling too. She swallowed the uncomfortable lump that formed in her throat. She walked slowly to her desk and set the tray down.

"Santana?" her voice only echoed through the lonely room, "Santana?" her voice shook. She said her name one more time as if she'd appear out of thin air at the request. Quinn sat down and ran her hand through her short hair. She willed the tears not to form, but they did. She tried to not let them fall, but she blinked and they fell.

When Quinn had the strength to make herself stop weeping, she turned around to stare at the bed she was sitting on. Just a few hours ago, her and Santana were one. Their bodies were merged, their heartbeats in synch, their skin warm with each other's soft breathing. Quinn could've sworn it was their happily ever after and that everything would just eventually fall into place. That they'd run away together or something and leave this town.

How foolish of her.

* * *

Quinn showed up to school later that morning, zoning out everything that was around her. The people in the hallways were just moving blurs and the sounds around her were just muffled sirens. Her mind was clouded by this rain of sorrow and hurt and her brain was asking a hundred questions per second. What could she have done now to push Santana away? What could she have done to scare Santana into running again? She was trying and it wasn't good enough for Santana.

Quinn got to her locker, still unfazed by everyone and everything around her and began to pluck her books out for her next class robotically. When she closed her locker and turned to walk to class someone stood in her way.

"Why won't you return my calls or texts," Finn asked.

Quinn rolled her eyes at the giant buffoon in front of her and just wove another path around him, without even replying with words, hoping that her rude gestures were enough for a big _fuck you_. But it was Finn Hudson, and he was as dense as a doorknob, so naturally, he followed Quinn, not picking up her obvious signals.

"Hey, why are you ignoring me. Will you just talk to me for a second?"

Without really thinking, her body and brain just sort of reacted within one action. It was just an automatic reflex and again, her mouth was vomiting out words. She halted and turned around with a glare at Finn, "I'm in love with someone else," she blurted out.

Everyone around them stared with wide eyes, witnessing the dramatic post-break-up scene. Finn himself, held wide eyes and his cheeks were flushed red.

"Wh-what?" Finn stuttered quietly, "With who?" heartache was clearly evident in his voice.

"It doesn't matter," Quinn replied coldly, staring into his eyes with no remorse, "It's not you," she added flatly.

Without letting him say another word and before he could start crying like the broken-hearted teenage boy that he was, Quinn turned around swiftly and walked away with no hard feelings, except for the hollow feeling she felt since she found out Santana had left her that morning.

* * *

Lunch came and went and Quinn wasn't in the mood to eat or accidentally run into Finn or even Santana for that matter. So instead of sitting at a lunch table, all alone, she sat on the benches at the football field with her thoughts. The sun on her skin felt good, her canary yellow dress allowing the breeze to flow freely against her. She leaned back, her elbows resting on the row above her.

She felt the brightness of the sun on her eyelids as she thought with her eyes closed. Her past haunting her, her consequences hurting her and her regrets teasing her. Quinn took a deep sigh and decided to make use of this free time and her loneliness. She grabbed her leather backpack and headed down the bleachers, her brown boots making distinct loud noises. She made her way under the bleachers as she searched her backpack for something. As Quinn rifled through her belongings looking for something she rolled up earlier that she wanted to smoke, a body that bumped into hers caused her to drop all of her belongings.

Quinn let out an aggravated and angry groan as she stared at her belongings spilt all over the floor, "Watch where you're going next time!" she scoffed. Before she was going to pick her items up, she was ready to tear up whoever was in her way, but she found her entire body freezing as soon as her eyes met brown ones. Quinn clenched her teeth and her fists, goosebumps rose on her skin, despite the sunny day and she could hear her heart thumping in her ears. And then, she felt her heart breaking all over again.

"Oh it's you," Quinn managed to choke out with hurt behind her voice.

"Sorry," Santana murmured as she avoided Quinn's green eyes.

Quinn didn't know what to feel towards Santana's presence. She had been so shattered by her absence, but having Santana standing in front of her didn't make her heart feel any better. There was tension in the air; it was like a heavy block sitting on both girls' shoulders, reminding both of them that this was an awkward situation. Quinn was the first to avoid it and dove to the floor to pick up her belongings. Perhaps out of courtesy, Santana did the same and helped her pick up her things as well. The girls collected Quinn's items in silence and by chance of fate, both reached for the same pen and Quinn accidentally grabbed Santana's hand, shooting heat through Quinn's entire body. They both locked eyes for a quick moment, but it was gone as soon as it came. Santana quickly snatched her hand away from Quinn's and handed her the pen.

"Here," Santana said plainly as she got up from her crouching position.

Quinn followed suit, "Thanks," she replied, putting the rest of her things back into her backpack as she got up as well.

Quinn had the option to run, as she always tended to do in these sorts of situations, but she didn't. Maybe it wasn't clear to Santana, but actions like these that came from Quinn were hints of willingness to change. Quinn's simplest decisions, like not leaving when she was uncomfortable, were always difficult for her. Quinn could admit that she was a complex person. She was like any human that came with heavy baggage. She was selfish; that's what her parents had always taught her. How to take and never how to give. So in small moments like these, when Quinn was willing to _give_ someone time or _give_ someone herself, instead of running away, it meant something... But maybe Santana didn't see it or understand it.

"I'll see you later," Santana broke the silence that made her fidget in her place. And with those last words, she walked away from Quinn, leaving her lost in her own sorrow, her own guilt, her own heartbreak and her own confusion.

Quinn had to fight; Quinn had to show Santana that she was still willing to change. So another moment of selflessness occurred.

"Santana, wait!" she called out, causing Santana to stop and turn around. She ran to Santana and grabbed her hand, but Santana snatched it away angrily.

"Stop it, Quinn, not here," Santana hissed as she swiveled her head around, making sure nobody saw the gesture.

Quinn was shocked and hurt all at once by Santana's action. "Santana, I don't understand - " Quinn's voice shook and was cut off by Santana's rage.

"And you will never understand!" Santana interrupted. Santana paused, seeming to think about what to say next or perhaps she was trying to keep herself from falling apart and breaking down in front of Quinn. She lowered her voice, but it shook with pain that Quinn knew was rooted into her heart, "You will never understand the pain you put me through."

Quinn felt a lump form in her throat. The night before, they seemed so happy, so content in each other's presence, finally taking steps towards the right direction and now it felt like they were in the middle of no where, stranded on land with no road. Quinn's head spun and her heart got twisted with it. Then it hit Quinn like a train. This was the everlasting loop of heartache. She had turned Santana into what she was: afraid. Afraid to love because to love meant it was to get hurt. Quinn was staring into Santana's eyes and could read fear written all over her.

"Santana, I'm - "

"Stop saying you're sorry because it doesn't help! It just makes me feel like shit because I feel like a horrible monster for not being able to forgive you," Santana's voice shook with rage now and was loud again.

Quinn stared at her, at a loss for words. Santana couldn't forgive her? Quinn went too far and now karma was knocking on her door. Santana's words of daggers stabbed her in her heart and the mean look Santana was holding, only twisted those blades. She had to look away from Santana because looking at her made her feel like she was going to die from this sadness.

"I'll see you around," Santana said nonchalantly and left Quinn under the bleachers alone, tears brimming her eyes as she felt agony and heartache filter throughout her body and for the second time, all Quinn could do was watch Santana walk away.


	14. Fear

**WARNING:** Contains violence - please don't read if this will trigger anything negative. Please feel free to PM me if you need to talk about anything.

Sorry for the unannounced hiatus. I'm back! I feel like my writing is getting weaker - bleh. This is pretty short, I'm sorry. Love you all, thanks for the continued support. Over 141 followers - I can't believe it! You guys are the best. xx

* * *

If you've never been in love before then you could never fathom the roller coaster Santana Lopez was riding the moment she fell for Quinn Fabray. She walked away from Quinn, her heart shattering all over again. She didn't think it was possible to feel this ache again, to feel this excruciating pain that made her feel like her heart was crumbling into microscopic pieces. So much had happened within the last 24 hours, that Santana's head and heart felt drunk.

Love is kind of like getting drunk. First it's a little painful, and hard, as you try to force alcohol down the right pipe just to feel something. Maybe a buzz. Or maybe your intent was to get shitfaced. Either way, it's hard at the end of it all. Then love (like alcohol) becomes easy to swallow - nearly inhale - and before you know it, as you take heaps and heaps of love, the next morning you wake up with a hangover of a heartache and you can't even remember how you got there in the first place.

* * *

Santana woke up in the middle of the night, sweat dripping, and breathing heavily caused from a nightmare that her mind unfortunately conjured up. Santana was walking down a hallway at McKinley High School and lined up against the lockers were not only a bunch of students, but specifically Finn, Puck, and even Brittany. And with these angry students, her parents, Coach Sylvester and even Quinn's parents were lined up against the lockers too. They were all screaming vicious venom for words.

"Dyke!"

"You're going to burn in hell!"

"Female faggot!"

"God hates you!"

"Freak!"

"MANtana!"

Santana woke up with a jolt, her mind spinning and her heart racing. Then she turned around and laid her eyes on a sleeping and somber Quinn. This was the moment that it dawned on Santana that she had fallen for this girl. It wasn't until that moment she was watching this girl's breath rise and fall on her chest, strands of short, blonde hair beautifully cascading down her face, with the moonlight shining through the curtains down on her soft face that Santana realized she had fallen in love with this _girl_. And it all came crashing down on Santana like a thunderstorm. She was in _love_ with this _girl.  
_  
Sharp pangs of guilt began to twist her heart and squeeze the insides of her stomach. Tears began to form in the corner of her eyes as she laid next to the girl she fell in love with as she slowly began to realize that this was a forbidden love. A love that was not allowed. A love that would be condemned. A love that would be laughed at. A love that would ruin her. A love that could actually in fact, literally kill her.

Santana couldn't afford to be _gay_. Santana couldn't label herself a _lesbian_. She had been fighting this feeling for far too long. She needed to end this "phase" of her life. Santana was better off tucking away these weird urges under her shirt and pretending she liked to be fondled by Puckerman. At least then, she didn't have all these crazy voices swimming in her head. At least then, she had the will and power to silence them all. The feeling of Quinn's skin made Santana want to do things she knew she would regret. Being with Quinn made her _want_ to kiss her in public. And to Santana that was pretty much suicide.

And it scared Santana how much she loved Quinn. She loved her so much that she forgave her so quickly for the pain Quinn had caused for the last few months. It terrified Santana that someone had that much power over her and her heart - enough power to make Santana forgive them after shattering her heart and have enough power for her to _want_ to come out of the deep closet of denial Santana had been in for quite some time now. It disgusted Santana - how weak Quinn made her. It reminded her of her mother and at that thought alone, Santana wanted to puke.

Her mother was weak. Always forgiving her father for cheating with sleazy women. Always forgiving her father for beating both Santana and herself. A coward. A weakling. A person Santana never wanted to be. And Santana didn't want anyone - even Quinn - to have that power over her.

Santana turned away from gazing at Quinn and laid on her back to stare at the ceiling.

"In the name of the father, the son and the Holy Spirit," she whispered to herself as she did the necessary gestures from her forehead to her shoulders and folded her hands accordingly, "Dear God," she quietly spoke out loud, "please forgive me for my sins," she closed her eyes tightly, trying to prevent from her tears from escaping, "I know I haven't talked to you lately and I usually only come to you when I need something, but please," she inhaled deeply as she felt a sharp pain in her heart, wanting to sob, "please, God give me the strength to leave her alone. Please, God give me the strength to get over her. To not need her anymore," Santana stopped talking as she glanced at Quinn shifting on the bed. After a couple minutes past, Santana took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling again.

"God, I hope this is the right thing to do," she took a quick glance at Quinn's body and she felt her heart ache even more, "Please, watch over her and make sure she also has the strength to let me go," Santana took a deep breath, "Amen."

And in her heart Santana made the commitment to leave when the opportunity came its way in the morning.

* * *

It was the memory of that moment and that prayer that gave Santana the strength to walk away from Quinn under those bleachers. In reality, she had been following the girl the entire day, wanting to make sure she was okay. Really, Santana heard what Quinn told Finn in the hallway and in that moment alone, Santana wanted to grab her hand and crash their lips and hearts into one in front of everyone, fearless of the consequences. But her head conjured up shrieking voices that scolded her for thinking thoughts of treachery. And as she the gravel beneath her feet began to crunch and it became a comforting noise, Quinn's pleading voice stopped her.

"Santana, wait!"

Out of bad habit, Santana turned around and as soon as she was facing Quinn's direction, Quinn grabbed her hand. Santana's automatic reflex was to snatch her hand away and put on her defense mode. HBIC mode.

"Stop it, Quinn, not here," Santana hissed, looking around anxiously, hoping no one was witnessing this sad and personal scene.

"Santana, I don't understand - " Quinn's shaky voice made it clear to Santana that she was desperate and on the verge of depression, but Santana had a reputation to uphold and her prayers would be answered.

"And you will never understand!" Santana snapped.

Santana knew she was wrong. Santana knew that Quinn would whole-heartedly understand. She understood from the beginning, that one rainy day they first revealed each other's truths. She understood and comprehended the secret that was slowly killing Santana inside, and Santana didn't know why, but it shook her soul that someone could understand the amount of pain she was going through. But no more - she decided. She figured if she ended this, the pain would stop, the voices would stop and she could finally have some peace. She wasn't going to be weak - hell no, she wouldn't be her mother.

"You will never understand the pain you put me through," Santana's voice dripped with hurt as her mind involuntarily took her to memories of her weeping in bathroom stalls by herself. A pain painted over Santana's eyes and a fear settled in her chest. The fear of being weak. The fear of becoming a loser. The fear of becoming her mother. The fear of being outed. The fear of everyone laughing at her face. The fear of her parents finding out the kind of freak she was. She took a deep breath and spoke to a higher power above in her mind.

_"Please God,"_ Santana pleaded in her mind, _"I don't know where you've been all of my life, but just be here now and help me."_

"Santana I'm - "

Santana doesn't know where it suddenly came from. This rage that had been burning inside of her. Maybe it was leftover from the day she slapped Quinn... Maybe God actually finally answered her prayers, but Santana snapped and anger filled her voice.

"Stop saying you're sorry because it doesn't help! It just makes me feel like shit because I feel like a horrible monster for not being able to forgive you."

Santana stood there wide-eyed, staring at Quinn who seemed to be on the brink of a breakdown. She didn't mean to be so harsh, but maybe it needed to be said. She didn't want a moment of weakness to come, so before it could she decided to leave.

"I'll see you around," she said quietly, leaving Quinn stunned in her own sadness.

* * *

Santana came home after Cheerios practice emotionally and physically exhausted. She plopped herself on her stained couch to let her body and mind rest from the chaos that was drowning her life. As soon as Santana closed her eyes for some rest, her mother's hoarse and angry voice rang through the house.

"What are you so fucking tired for? You didn't do shit," Santana's mother spat, "Get the fuck off the couch, I'm the one that's been working all day."

Santana glared at her mother, but didn't dare sass her back. Instead she stood up quietly, grabbed her backpack in silence and headed towards her room.

"Yea, go hide in your cave, you piece of shit! That's why you look like a bear, with that fat ass," Santana's mother snickered as she turned on the TV.

Santana slammed her door shut and pushed her back against it before sliding down as she broke down into tears.

"I fucking hate you," she cried silently.

Santana tried to control her breathing and to calm herself down of the tears before her mother could hear. She took a deep sigh when she heard her phone ringing and read the name Brittany.

"Hello?" Santana tried to sound as normal as possible, trying to keep her shit together.

"Santana," Brittany sounded afraid and in a panic, "Something's happened to Quinn."

"What?" Santana exclaimed, "What's going on Britt?"

"I-I don't know," Brittany stuttered, "My mom and I are following the ambulance. We found her on our street, I think someone must have hit her with a car. She was clutching a letter that had my name on it," Brittany sounded like she was on the verge of tears and running out of breath at that same time.

"Oh my God," Santana's eyes began to fill with tears, "Please Brittany, tell me she's okay."

"Pipe the fuck down in there!" Santana shook as she heard her mother scream from the living room.

"Santana, I don't know what to tell you," Brittany's voice shook on the other line, "But I read the letter and it was begging me to talk to you about her and you. Telling me that she had no other option - asking me to help her prove to you that she loves you. She explained in the letter that she was jealous of me all along and she admitted that she had no right to be because you and I are best friends and that Finn was a mistake," it was clear to Santana now that Brittany was crying heavily.

Santana's heart sunk and she cried with Brittany on the phone, "Oh, God, what have I done."

Santana's body jolted as she felt her mother bang on the door with a hard fist that made everything shake, "I said, shut the fuck up in there! Now open this door so I can shut you up myself!"

"Brittany, I have to go," Santana whispered as she crawled backwards, away from the door.

"What's going on Santana? Are you okay?" Brittany stopped crying and concern was clear in her voice, "Are you parents hurting you again?!"

Santana's mother banged on the door again, "Brittany, I really have to go."

"Damn it, Santana, I'm calling the police!"

"No, please don't worry about me. Please take care of Quinn and let her know that I love her and that I'll be there when - " but before Santana could finish her sentence or even her thought, her mother had busted the door open with one swift kick.

"What the hell did I just hear you say? You love _her_?!" Santana's mother was beyond infuriated, she marched up to Santana and grabbed her roughly by the pony tail.

"Mom, it's not what you think!" Santana cried and that was the last Brittany heard on the phone.

"Ay puta!" Santana's mother spat in her face, "No good dyke daughter of mine, I should've known since you were born!" She pulled Santana by the hair and threw her across the room.

Santana was crying, using her defenseless hands to try and shield herself from her mother's fury.

"Wait till your father gets home and I tell him," Santana's mother screamed, "He'll straighten you out."

"Mom, please don't!" Santana pleaded.

"¡Cállate! Puta!" Santana's mom slapped her across the face hard, "You're a fucking disgrace to this family. I should've known with all that time you spend with the blonde little bitch, Brittany."

"Don't you fucking call her a bitch!" it was the first time Santana had ever raised her voice to her mother.

Her mother slapped her again, harder, "You think this shit hurts, wait till your father gets his hands on you."

Both women heard the door slam right at the moment, making the both of them jump.

"What the fuck is all the commotion in here all about?!" Santana's father exclaimed as he made his way to Santana's room, "I fucking come home wanting peace and quiet and all I hear you two putas screaming outside of the house!" He wreaked of alcohol and clearly just came home from the bar.

Santana's mom pushed her towards her father, "Your daughter here should've been a son," she said with disgust, "She's a fucking lesbian!"

Santana's father grabbed her hard by the arm and yanked her to face his alcohol stenched face, "Oh so, you're a dyke now?"

Santana began to shudder and cry out of fear. It was no use, she was as good as dead anyway, so she stopped crying and she glared at her father as she stared him straight in the eye, "Yea, and I've fucked way more pussy than you," she gathered her spit and spat right in her father's face.

And that was the last thing Santana fully remembered. Other than that everything else was a string of events and a slur of memories. She remembers seeing blood all over her Cheerios uniform and hands and kitchen. And someone was carrying her out of her house and she remembers seeing red and blue lights flashing everywhere. Then the next thing she knew, her mind flashes and she's staring at the ceiling with what seemed to masked doctors and nurses running her somewhere. She could feel pain all over her face and body. It's hard to open her eyes and keep them open. She can't feel anything beyond her neck and she's sent into a panic that she's become paralyzed. She feels herself panic and then she sees one of the nurses place a mask over her face, pumping some kind of air into her lungs. She doesn't know what it is, but it drifts her off to sleep and as her eyes begin to droop, she's terrified of the dark that's about to come, but before she's sent off into a deep slumber, her mind drifts off to a memory where she's happiest and can be herself: with Quinn.

_You are the night time fear_  
_You are the morning when it's clear_  
_When it's over you're the start_  
**_You're my head_**  
**_You're my heart_**


End file.
